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How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

23/06/2013 20:53 BST | Updated 23/06/2013 20:53 BST

I love fast zombies, slow zombies, fresh zombies, rotten zombies, clever zombies and daft zombies. And just like I love a 'good man on the run' thriller I will always look forward to a good zombie film that promises a new angle on zombie lore.

I loved Warm Bodies and World War Z looks fantastic too. Stateside, a small zombie indie, The Battery has just been released; if you've had your fill of blockbuster zombies, zombies in love or never-ending zombie TV-series, this hipster film might be the one to seek out. For fans of the zo-mockumentary, the UK's own Harold's Going Stiff is a fine film to look up.

A recent short film I directed, #dontbescared, for mobile phone network giffgaffhttp://www.giffgaff.com, launched on Wednesday 29 May.

The film sees the picture perfect Surrey village of Brockham infested by a horrifying swarm of zombies... but with a ghoulish twist. The haunting groans of the undead echo across the village green. The sky darkens and the menacing silhouettes of a staggering clan appear over a grassy hill. Doors are bolted, windows slammed and villagers clamour for shelter as the mutant siege threatens to tear apart the bucolic calm of rural England. But what happens next casts zombies in a new humane light... Breaking with zombie tradition, the cast of #dontbescared integrate with the community in a harmonious and uniquely British manner.

Raised from the dead and restless for the taste of living human flesh, zombies plague history's books and cinema screens as apocalyptic demons. However, those brave enough to watch #dontbescared in full will find this tradition challenged... and humorously so!

But have you ever wondered what would happen in the event of a real zombie apocalypse or undead uprising? Have you ever mused, with creeping dread, at what you would do if you were confronted by a plague of slow, slouching zombies? Have you considered where would be safe, what weapons and combat techniques you might need and how, ultimately, you would survive a zombie-infested world?

I wanted to share with you what I would do in this situation. Here are my Top Five Tips to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse:

Stock up and tool up: Grab as many weapons as possible - knives, axes, shovels, baseball bats. Think garages, sheds and hardware stores! Plus bag up utility supplies such as torches, a can opener, matches and a medical kit. You'll need to be Bear Grylls on overdrive! Remember to always keep a loaded gun with a bullet for yourself if you get bitten and need to take yourself out.

Raid all neighbouring houses, shops and supermarkets: Take as much water and canned goods as possible! Plus energy bars and drinks. You're going to be doing a lot of running... unless it's a slow moving zombies apocalypse: then you need mood stabilisers, a psychologist and self help books to make sure you stay sane and calm in face of a lifetime holed up in a shed/warehouse/science lab/trailer/supermarket.

Stay clean: Remember to pack as many hygiene products as you can. We're not talking a toothbrush, deodorant and aftershave but soap, hand sanitizer, baby wipes. You will occasionally have to camouflage as a zombie by rubbing their dead flesh on your own and that stuff is gooey and tough to get rid of.

Grab a boy/girl: If you're not with a loved one, try teaming up with a group and especially someone from the opposite sex. You never know, it may be up to you to recreate the human race...and it'll also liven up some of those dull hours of waiting and hiding!

Find a safe place: Every smart arse out there will already be running to the nearest shopping centre...think smarter. Find the most defended building you can - Government building, power stations, prisons, sea forts...you get the idea.

And finally... good luck!

Find your zombie side at: www.dontbescared.co.uk