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Melanie Batley

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Samantha Brick and Whether Beauty is a Gender Issue

Posted: 4/04/2012 12:03

If you haven't read Samantha Brick's columns in the Daily Mail yesterday and today, then you need to.

She says that from experience, being beautiful is a double-edged sword: men will lavish her with attention and praise, but women are so thoroughly threatened they will attack and undermine her.

The article has resulted in a scathing backlash, from both men and women, and even friends and acquaintances, not only attacking her argument, but lobbing vicious comments about her looks and personality. In today's follow-up piece, she says, "Their level of anger only underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman."

I'm not entirely sure whether Brick is right, mainly because I'm not drop dead gorgeous, to say the least, so cannot confirm or deny her experience. But I think she courageously raises a major issue about whether a woman's looks define how she is treated by both men and women socially and professionally.

So my first question is whether or not she is right. Then my second question is whether or not this really is a gender issue.

I believe her anecdotes of men doing charming and wonderful things for her just because she's beautiful. Men love beautiful women, and why shouldn't they? But actually everyone loves beautiful people. I would be the first to swoon if Matt Damon or Tom Cruise walked past me. And that's not about celebrity, come to think of it. I love that guy with the dark hair and handsome smile who picks up his daughter from school most Fridays.

Still, Brick says, "Without a doubt this is a gender issue. For not only is it mostly women who are attacking me, it is also because I am female that I am being attacked for acknowledging my attractiveness. If Brad Pitt were to say: 'Yes, I'm a good-looking fella', then the world would nod sagely in agreement."

She's right on that point. And I find it thoroughly disgusting that she's received the type of personal abuse and condemnation that she has from raising this issue.

I suppose I agree that women can be incredibly catty and competitive. I wish that wasn't the case because I'm one of those feminists that really does believe that if we all stuck together we'd get much further in making society value our unique contributions. I genuinely wish more women had the self-confidence to wish each other well. The thing is, though, men are very competitive too. It just tends to be about different things, such as status, for example. Maybe it's not a gender issue to be competitive. It could just be human nature.

And so my final observation is this: Sure, in this society looks matter, whether you are male or female, but at the end of the day, just how far does it get a person? I'm sure we could all think of examples of a gorgeous man acting madly in love with a sort of average looking woman. It was probably because beauty is really about being charming, capable, confident and intelligent, and because she makes him happy. And let's not forget that plenty of women have excelled professionally in spite of their looks.

So what is the point here? I guess I do think it's a shame that our society has become so superficial that looks matter so much. To me, the only solution is to work toward achieving a culture that cares more about virtue than superficiality.

In the run-up to Easter, dare I say that the Christians have got it right?

 
If you haven't read Samantha Brick's columns in the Daily Mail yesterday and today, then you need to. She says that from experience, being beautiful is a double-edged sword: men...
If you haven't read Samantha Brick's columns in the Daily Mail yesterday and today, then you need to. She says that from experience, being beautiful is a double-edged sword: men...
 
 
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21:58 on 11/04/2012
...Isn't it pretty obvious that women turn on each other because their best way forward in a patriarchal society is to attract men? Because 1) We want love, and men are shallow (oh, please don't contradict me on this. There are magazines, books, films, entertainment venues, etc etc that exist for the sole purpose of men being able to stare at women, and there is absolutely nothing like that for women, they are more interested in looking at each other to check how they measure up) and 2) Men still have most of the world's money, property and power. Ergo, other women (esp. stereotypically 'beautiful' ones) are adversaries, competitors for scarce resources. Does not take a gender studies PhD to see this, surely? And please don't tell me that women are now equal and blablabla. Bull. They are not. I can't be bothered to regurgitate the statistics but it's pretty obvious to anyone who bothers to check male/female ration in parliament, boards of directors, any position of power or high profile. In other words, the 'cattiness' is not telling of women's weak character or inherent evil, it's a survival mechanism in response to a very specific set of patriarchal structures and norms. (Yeah, laugh if you like. I know that word is taboo / silly etc. I don't care because I know I am right).
11:44 on 06/04/2012
A beautiful person is beautiful on the inside not just the outside - this is where Ms Brick lets herself down and why she receives such negativity - people despise people who are up themselves for no reason
15:00 on 05/04/2012
Normally I just feel slightly annoyed and a little sorry for people like her. But this: "no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman" actually makes me hate her. And I really don't want to hate her. But seriously. That makes me sick to my stomach.

Yes, Samantha - you ARE more reviled than Muslim women who are spat on in the streets, more reviled than raped and massacred children in war-torn nations, more reviled than the most despised and downtrodden people in the entire world - and I can assure you, it's NOT because you are pretty.
13:11 on 05/04/2012
As pointed out on Jezebel, the Daily Mail is engaging in trolling, pure and simple. By attaching so many pictures of Brick, a woman who is, truthfully, just average looking, to an article wherein Brick goes on and on and on about how gorgeous she is and how much trouble that has caused her in her life, the Daily has deliberately egged all of us on and deliberately created this sensation. This was my experience: you read the "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful" (or whatever it was) headline, see the picture of Brick and think "Really?"; you read further into the article and then more pictures and, again, "Seriously?" and on and on it goes until you find it impossible to resist a very snarky response to the whole thing. Very clever way to generate attention....I bet Brick even gets a book deal out of it.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
whyus
San Francisco native
23:44 on 04/04/2012
Men especially love beautiful women with a sense of humor.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
AlanBannacheck
President of the Deep Thoughts Association (DTA)
20:25 on 04/04/2012
Everyone has different types, surely attraction is do to a more chemical nature then a the conscience mind.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
mairs
19:47 on 04/04/2012
"Their level of anger only underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman."
-----------------------
I don't see anger in the comments she posted in her article follow-up, just astonishment.

Still, Brick says, "Without a doubt this is a gender issue. For not only is it mostly women who are attacking me, it is also because I am female that I am being attacked for acknowledging my attractiveness.
--------------
I noticed that at least half of the replies to her article that she posted were from men. So no, it's not mostly women, at least in these examples.

I think the "gender issue" of beauty and who does and doesn't admire one for it, needs to be separated from the mental disorder issue. Her obvious personal issues muddy the waters in this case.
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mokachyna
Ready for the zombie apocalypse...if it comes.
17:19 on 04/04/2012
I think that the deeper point being made is that being slim and blonde will get you far. I don't think it's vicious to say that she's no Angelina Jolie. She's not drop dead gorgeous but she has pale skin and blonde hair and that seems to be enough to be considered beautiful.
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Christopher Koulouris
16:38 on 04/04/2012
Let’s be honest Ms Brick everyone is entitled to feel the way they wish to feel about themselves even if it just so happens 99.995 % of the world would choose disagrees with you.

That said Ms Brick, when you’re next in town, please be sure to pop by and have tea and we can both spend an afternoon in a beauty salon and hope for the best….

http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/04/samantha-brick-this-bile-just-proves-im-right/
16:32 on 04/04/2012
ok so she possesses average looks, self confidence and self esteem.....her raging ego and narcissism have long overtaken them and the follow up she published today just proves that. Even in her own articles, in one she states she flirts to get ahead and then in another she states she doesnt flirt with men, i think she does it that much she doesnt even realise it and that along with her lack of self awareness is why people don't like her because i'm sure no one could be surrounded with that many shallow friends.
Someone saying she's like a female David Brent/Michael Scott is the best sum up i've seen..
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HufferandPuffer8
16:23 on 04/04/2012
I work in schools where the staff is 98% Hispanic and women. What's valued there is personality and one's ability to handle the 25-28, 4-5 yearolds in the room. By the end of the day we all look like war torn women.
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Taterhead McGobstopper
Paddle faster, I hear banjos ...
15:15 on 04/04/2012
I think the ideas are sound. Yes, men will do things for beautiful women, and other women will get mad about it. That's hardly rocket science.

However, Samantha Brick isn't beautiful. She's just not. She has nothing at all, no proportion or feature, that could be remotely considered classically beautiful. She's not even pretty or sexy or cute. In fact, she's well below average on all counts.

To be called out as below average in looks because you are, in fact, below average in looks, is NOT the same as being attacked by others for being beautiful.
15:07 on 04/04/2012
totally agree with thomas platt- the backlash that Samantha Brick has experienced has everything to do with the tone of her article, which, despite her protestations to the contrary, just comes across as smug and vain. Her anecdotes about strange men paying her fares, buying her flowers, or offering her champagne and drinks on the house are, frankly, insufferable, regardless of attractive she may be.
I don't see this particularly as a gender issue. I would feel exactly the same way if it were a man making the same kind of obnoxious comments, and I would also reach the same conclusion that he was full of himself- and would then swiftly steer clear of him! I have many friends who are, it might be argued, significantly more attractive than me, but I love them dearly and I don't see myself in competition with any of them- because they are nice people and we like each other, we have many things in common, and each and every one of us have many other aspects to us which make us interesting, rounded people other than how good we look.

xxxxxx
15:03 on 04/04/2012
It's not as much a gender issue as one may imagine. If I (bloke, 46, paunch, balding, etc) were to post a prominent article about how my spectacular good looks had been a burden, I would provoke a similar reaction, if not an even harsher one. People don't like vanity in men either.

It's simply not an issue of whether her observations are valid or not- though a perusal of her other DM articles reveals a woman in a small, bitchy meeja world- it's that one reads the article and then looks at the copious photographs and the two just don't match up. She simply isn't a great beauty. People are attacking her vanity, and that's what provoked this brief storm of ridicule.
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George McAulay
Delighted to meet you
14:46 on 04/04/2012
It was amusing to read how she is forced to dress down because of her 'beauty'.

I think that if she was to converse with some genuinely beautiful women, she might find that it's her narcissistic personality that is disgusting to her peers and causing them to avoid her.