I took my poo phone into the Apple Store and the genius up the back told me, "This phone has been water damaged." I replied, "Hey genius, I'm not here because it's working. Can you fix it?" He told me it'd be cheaper to get a new one. So I told him about the time I had sex with a real girl and his head exploded.
For those who aren't hipster-literate, a London hipster is particularly easy to spot. Think an explosion of all the trends you thought you'd left behind in the 90s and you're almost there. Non-prescription glasses for that extra summin' summin'. Beanie hats even in warm weather (teamed with sunglasses for that extra ironic charm). Exuberant moustaches, skinny jeans and a fondness for never wearing socks - it's simply the hipster way.