I follow 'Man Who Has it all' on twitter. Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes I post a snide reply and other times it makes me cross. If you haven't heard about it, it's a parody of how woman have to juggle family and business life but with roles reversed.
I like to think I have a sense of humour, but strangely it's often missing in the mornings. Pah to Man Who Has it All. This is real life baby!
I run a small business, called My Own Den. I have two children a boy of 12 and a girl of 6. My husband's job involve long hours and travel. I am obsessed with time, particularly the hours I have without kids. I aim to start 'work' as soon as I've dropped my youngest to school.
You know you have 'those' days. Well this was one of 'those' mornings.
- The radio comes on at 6.45am. I relax and stretch out into the middle of the bed thinking it's just before 6. The news comes on and I realise it's 7 o'clock and I catapult out of bed.
- I run downstairs to check if rugby kit is dry. It isn't- so I throw it in the tumble drier.
- Gallop back upstairs and start shower.
- Before I shower I go into boy's room, open his blind and wish him good morning.
- Creep past the girl's room (she's tetchy if woken early).
- I grab a quick shower.
- Through on yesterday's clothes which are littered around the bed.
- Back into the boy's room. He's a motionless. Shout GET UP and then ask nicely if he can be down stairs in 10 mins? Unintelligible, yet clearly grumpy grunt, in reply.
- Tiptoe past the girl's room and go downstairs.
- Put the kettle on and empty dishwasher.
- Feed guinea pigs and put in new straw- didn't the kids promise they'd do this?
- Put on toast and heat up the frying pan.
- Make a rather nice looking fried egg sandwich.
- Check clock- 7.40 and no 12 year old in sight.
- Run upstairs and burst through boy's door. He is standing in his pants and stares at me mutely.
- Glide past daughter's room back to kitchen to boil kettle again, this time get as far as putting a tea bag in cup.
- Check rugby kit is dry- dry enough, put it on stairs along with rugby boots.
- Foot steps! He's up- he isn't. It's the girl, face contorted in silent rage at being woken up.
- Barge into 12 year old's room. He's progressed onto socks and is reading a comic.
- Stand at door and watch him get dressed- not a happy occasion for either of us.
- Run downstairs, and get juice to go with fried egg sandwich.
- Boy can't eat fried egg sandwich this morning, it hurts his mouth ulcer. More likely he has smelt sugar laden cereal in house and like an addict he has to have it. Crash out cereal and milk on table.
- Boil kettle and make tea.
- (Try to) reply tenderly to calls from help from girl, taking the stairs two at a time.
- Instigate dressing 'game' to encourage compliance with girl.
- Carry girl downstairs whilst being careful to see the stairs as I have the joy of a toy elephant in my face.
- Girl bursts into tears as son is sitting in 'her' seat. Try to calm argument but end up joining in.
- Send boy to do teeth and brush his hair.
- Make toast with honey, cajole and beg daughter to eat it.
- Dodge out of son's way as he careers through kitchen muttering about gum shield, I join in the hunt for gum shield.
- I start shouting about time, the bus leaves in 5 mins. Boy is blissfully unruffled.
- Boy rushes to hall with me in pursuit carrying water bottle.
- Brush son's hair with hand as he ducks out of the way and leaves carrying three bags and sweater. He looks like a tramp.
- Run to kitchen get daughter who insists on doing the 'waving committee' where we stand at door and wave. Even when boy is out of sight we still wave.
- Take daughter upstairs- tell her lies about what will happen if she doesn't clean her teeth. Reluctantly she cleans her teeth.
- Read school book with daughter, counteract her defiance with over enthusiasm that makes her laugh. I read most of the book and sign it off.
- Run to the bottom of the garden to let out chickens. Whose idea was it to get chickens? The feeder is empty so I brace myself (we back onto fields and have rats) to enter the shed for more food.
- Trot back to the house, take out tea bag and take a sip of stewed tea.
- Polish daughter's shoes and 'help' her put them on.
- Put daughter in car and drive to school, arrive late and park near school gates as most parents are leaving.
Then I try to breathe, laugh and get on with the business. Good job I enjoy it.