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Sam Gyimah

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Where Were all the Parents?

Posted: 12/08/11 11:47 BST

Unfashionable though it is, we need to face some home truths; to love your offspring is to equip them to aspire to a better life than you have and this requires parents to have the moral courage to instil 'character'.

What has been most shocking and utterly unique to the riots of the past few days is the role played by young people. We have witnessed our youth running amok, not in school playgrounds and parks, but in our cities, invoking violence and throwing the innocence of youth back in our faces.

Out-numbered and out-maneuvered, Tim Godwin, Acting Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, was reduced to calling for parents to contact their children and get them off the streets. Many middle class parents throughout the country nodded emphatically in agreement. But any hope that law enforcement could work alongside parents to be a restraining influence on the young proved fundamentally misguided.

These were young people hell bent on destruction of property and indulging a dangerous sense of entitlement. The police were reacting to an unprecedented crisis and the parents had clearly lost control.

One wonders if the parents' were ever in control. Or given the world in which we live - where we are reluctant to make judgements about what counts as good and bad behaviour, right and wrong - the behaviour we saw on our streets is what we have to accept. No it isn't and shouldn't be if parents get the building blocks right. After all it is in the home that 'character' is forged. There is some truth to the Jesuit maxim which says 'show me the child at seven and I will give you the man'. Today, 'character' is rarely used in public discourse. If you are a football fan, you will hear the word bandied around by team managers to praise the player who showed character by getting in some crunching tackles during a game. Occasionally, the word is also used when we are assessing a politician's suitability for particularly high office. But Character, the sense of right and wrong, discipline and the aspiration it fosters is still relevant and to being a well-functioning member of society.

And if those youth who blighted our streets had an under-developed or warped sense of right and wrong, then any discussion of these riots, as I argued on the Today programme should start with parental responsibility. Parenting cannot be outsourced to the state. Character development has to start in the family, although the state can and should support it.

When a friend contacted me requesting the use of a State imposed curfew to curb the riots I personally wondered what parents were doing to impose their own curfews, surely one of the most universal parental punishment tools?

I have also wondered what conversations parents were having, when their 14 year old returned home at 2am, clutching four pairs of Adidas trainers, a 42 inch plasma television and reeking of adrenaline? Whilst I'm sure it was outright condemnation in the majority of cases, I suspect that at times there was indifference and at worse complicit like behaviour. How many parents frogmarched their young ones to join the clean-up operation to face up to the mess they had helped create.

In time as we examine the deeper causes behind these events there will be many explanations from across the political spectrum. Some will see the cause of the failure as a result of the perverse incentives of the welfare state. Others will claim that economic distress leads to moral failure. As ever, the story will be a lot more complex than our pre-existing political positions allow for. There will also be those who seek to play politics with the problem as Ken Livingstone did earlier this week blaming the government's deficit reduction strategy. But it is hard to argue that the eleven year old arrested during the riots had been economically and politically radicalised by the cuts. In truth if money was the answer then we would have solved these deep-seated social problems by now.

Order will be restored and when it is it will be time to reflect more fully on what has happened. I admit there are no easy answers. But an important step forward would be a cultural shift to accept that right and wrong has a crucial place in child rearing. However the family unit is constructed, a hierarchical structure in the home, with clear boundaries and standards, and where children know their place and have respect for authority is essential. Government should empower parents and teachers in particular to make this possible.

The out of touch plea issued by the politicians and police, for parents to control their children, demonstrates how deep rooted this problem is for society. Unfashionable though it is, we need to face some home truths; to love your offspring is to equip them to aspire to a better life than you have and this requires parents to have the moral courage to instil character.

 

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11:14 PM on 08/12/2011
I also think the talk about how to 'deal' with the young rioters in the aftermath isn't hugely encouraging. I'd love for the parents to encourage (or make!) their kids to go to the stores and homes they ransacked to offer to help with the clean up, volunteer their time to work at the stores for free for six months, pay back the money (spread over time, if necessary) and contribute to the rebuilding process. locking them away or evicting them (and their families) is just more social exclusion and removing them from the mess they've made... by participating in the clean-up process it teaches them responsibility. and hopefully will build communities/inter-generational relationships.
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Steve Brewer
08:29 PM on 08/12/2011
Well said. I think the main problem that needs addressing in one way or another is the fact that many parents cannot give their kids character, either from lack of strength or from lack of their own character from their own upbringing.

Besides free lessons on parenting, I think a solution to this lies in schools and youth centres.

We need motivational people that can make an impression on young people, speak to them on their level and inspire them to be 'more than this', and give them the confidence and self-esteem to believe they can be and pursue it. Kind of hard to do when university fees are £9,000 a year now. It's another excuse not to.
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imokit
no longer has missing words!
05:28 PM on 08/12/2011
There were some stories of parental condemnation. The mother of the Olympic ambassador who turned her daughter in for example.

Sky news has a twitterer in the courts (I think its the person who usually covers the Olympics), her tweets about the cases indicate that a lot of the youths are in care. While the parents of some who aren't in care aren't showing up to court. One example she gave was a 14year old girl, who's parents weren't there. The judge had to get someone from the courts to get hold of her parents to pick her up so she could get bail.

The thing which strikes me, is the safety aspect of it. My parents need to know where I am, not because they think I might riot, but in case anything happens to me. If you don't know where your kid is, how do you know they're not getting hurt?
05:14 PM on 08/12/2011
This is the legacy of Thatcherism.

Every man for himself. No such thing as society. No social bonds or greater interest outside of the selfish.

Supported by "New Labour" which was nothing except Thatcher-lite.
05:05 PM on 08/12/2011
I agree that building character is most important. The problem is society as a whole has put pressure on our children to become 'financially successful.' Their role models today are the famous, the rich. No matter what kind of person they are. If you tell kids they must be rich to be worth something, are you surprised they try to go for the gold no matter what it takes? Especially if they are very poor and do not have access to or cannot pay for after school activities. Years ago, childrens after school activities were playing baseball or football with their friends, not paying to be on a team. Biking, running, playing marbles.....talking stuff, just being. Today if you are not in a dance class or softball, or a sports team, you are out of the loop.

Life has become complicated, and a parent can work it out. But this complicated system humans have created has not made. I wish more parents would say to heck with being a famous basketball player, and if you get all B's, great. What will make me proud of you is that you are kind and considerate and respect others.

Unfortunately, I don't think the human race will go back to the days of teaching character. And so, now it is a crapshoot. Some will teach their kids, some won't, some won't even think about it, because they are too busy trying to get their kids into Ivy League ......preschools......
04:11 PM on 08/12/2011
I agree with the comments made by the MP for East Surrey. The heart of the problem is the breakdown of the family particularly in the Afro-Caribbean community. This self-destructive demise of the family has come with the rise of black gang street culture whoose sole endeavour is to terrorise the law-abiding majority through drugs, crime and violence. As a result of these gangs in the last 10 years in London alone, there have been more than 200 gun and knife deaths of men, women and children in the black community. No other community would stand for this but we do.
01:42 PM on 08/12/2011
"If you keep them busy with good things, they don't have time for mischief". I am lucky in one sense: often broke the week before payday, I accept that as long as I know the money has gone to soccer, dance, swimming etc. for the kids. Extracurricular hobbies for kids add up, especially when equipment and specific clothing has to be bought. I don't know about costs for such things in England-can somebody on benefits afford for their kids to join a junior soccer team or take up dance lessons? Are cheap, supervised lessons for skateboarding, singing and such available? Not everybody is into boxing (seems to be the free club of choice for boys in deprived areas, judging by media). Youth clubs are a start, but organised, focused activities like sports, acting and music are more driven and require more discipline of their members.
A couple of other points: Single parenthood is not a reason for unruly kids. Bad parenting-regardless if the parenting is single, coupled, gay, straight, rich or poor-is. Too strict parenting is as bad as too lax parenting, both destroy trust and respect between parent and child. You don't have to hit a child to correct a child.
02:13 PM on 08/12/2011
Believe me,benefits just pay for economy supermarket food and limited heating. No money for anything else including clothes,sports or trips. People in complete poverty just live in a kind of limbo.. They do not participate in any kind of normal life. Children often don't understand. why Watching a kid throw hysterics in a shop once because his mother could not afford £80 trainers for him .He then called her all the names under the sun bringing his mother to tears. That appalled me. But I realised the child had been conditioned by marketing to believe that he was worthless without these expensive brands. That's the really the appalling thing.
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Miserable Swine
03:19 PM on 08/12/2011
Marketing is ubiquitous - and totally bogus. Everywhere you go, consumer doo-dads promising this, that and the other, until the novelty wears off and the junkie (I mean consumer) needs his or her next fix. Trainers at £80 that probably cost a few dollars to produce in some sweatshop. :(
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RubyMontana
When did money become a four-letter-word?
04:42 PM on 08/12/2011
Nice try. Mom stands between that marketing and her child .... if she wants to. Hard job? You bet! If your not up to good parenting, maybe you should be fired from the job.
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European1919
I am the Pigmâ’¶n
12:53 PM on 08/12/2011
The parents were around the corner looting a different shop.
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rda1911a1
God Bless John Browning
08:47 PM on 08/12/2011
yeah but some were picking up their assistance checks
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paul679
12:21 PM on 08/12/2011
Exactly! General parenting in this country is way behind Europe for a start. In European parks - and other leisure areas - it is common to see whole families enjoying themselves, without gangs of youngsters roaming around looking for trouble, as you see here. The family ethic in Italy, France, Spain, etc leaves us way behind. The fact that in the U.K. we have far greater numbers of child pregnancies is a clue. When I was a teenager in the 50's/60's I would have been terrified of getting a girl pregnant, but young lads today either expect the girls to be on the pill or they just don't care - the state will pay for them.

I have to say this: certain ethnic communities seem far more responsible than others and the white underclass. Stricter upbringing among the Asians - with no runaway fathers - puts the Afro-Caribbeans to shame. I have lived in sub-saharan Africa and Trinidad, where the kids are mostly brought up only by mothers, and that has been carried on here.
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Marchmont
11:31 AM on 08/12/2011
Feral Parents:

The problem is not simply feral children but feral parents who produced these Lord of the Flies degenerates and are now too drunk or drugged to care what they are doing.

This was exacerbated by our schools' child-centred approach which expected children to learn and decide for themselves, leaving them illiterate, innumerate and unable to think.

But behind it all are our amoral bien pensant who have undermined everything which could socialise these children and turn them from feral savages into civilised citizens.

And the worst of these non-judgmental wreckers was deputy leader of the Labour Party Harriet Harman, who has the gall to blame the recent riots on "Tory cuts" necessitated by New Labour's economic incompetence.

In fact, Harman was the last government's principal promoter of lone parenthood, the side-lining of fathers and the toxic welfarist entitlement culture the looters displayed.

Dr John Cameron, St Andrews (Scotsman 12th August 2011)