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I Hate People On The Apprentice

09/05/2013 16:02 BST | Updated 09/07/2013 10:12 BST

I don't know who is the head of casting for BBC's hit reality show, 'The Apprentice.' What I do know however, is their uncanny ability to bring together a collection of the most annoying personalities. I doubt that official casting instructions state that only top rate buffoons will be considered; yet they always make their way onto the show.

As early as midway through the first episode we gain an appreciation of whom we are going to collectively despise. It is normally the irritating cretin who takes it upon him/herself to come up with a team name such as 'oblivion' or 'evolve.' Why they feel compelled to come up with such lame post-apocalyptic names is beyond me. I guess it's a reflection of their deeply profound inadequacy which they are trying to compensate for. However, the pinnacle of these peoples' annoyance is the variety of business-related catchphrases they carry with them. As if they have walked straight out of the self-help section of Waterstones.

No doubt these people make for good television, especially when Lord Sugar puts them in their place. Yet isn't it all too easy for him, for anyone can critique these people and probably do so with more articulation. Lord Sugar bundles his way through his dismissal orders with all the sophistication of a back street trader selling pirate DVD's. And what can be said for the lurking spies that Sugar sends with each group. Nick and Karen; two slimy characters so quick to extend their 'expert judgment,' like schoolteachers thriving on the relative power they have been afforded.

Stick insects are capable of carrying their body weight several times over. They deserve respect not only for their remarkable strength but also for their unwavering team ethic. Perhaps the same respect should be extended to the participants on The Apprentice, for their ability to waddle through life being able to balance the enormity of their inflated heads on their frail shoulders is remarkable. And maybe they do work well together; the fractious arguments and scathing backstabbing happen because they all care so much?

Maybe a level of sympathy should be extended to these participants. In agreeing to go on the show, they have effectively relinquished any right to respect. The only outcome they can expect is embarrassment (apart from the winner of course). It all amounts to a pressured situation, in which tempers flare and mistakes are made; rendering moderately intelligent people incompetent.

The latest tangent of this article represents the benefit of the doubt: a hallmark of reasonableness. However, in this particular scenario, it wears thin with me. It seems more likely that these people really are deluded, incompetent and comical. This is television after all...

If you want to appreciate young aspiring businesspeople you will have to dig a lot deeper. These are men and women working all hours of the day to turn a profit; uninterested by fame and shunning any unnecessary limelight. If Lord Sugar was serious about finding an apprentice, these are the people he would covet.