We're all probably getting sick of hearing about breast implants, but they are big news right now, pardon the pun.
The Only Way Is Essex star Lauren Pope is understandably upset about having the potentially dangerous PIP implants.
Lauren said: "They do tell you you might have to have another boob job after 15 or 20 years just for safety reasons, but I always said that I would never have it done again, I'd rather let them rot inside me, I do not want to go through that again.
"So I thought, 'Oh my god, I'm going to have to have it done again', but then my next thought was, and this probably sounds really bad, that I could actually get a new pair of bigger boobs.
"So I'm just going to have to see a few surgeons, decide what size I want to go to and then just grin and bear it."
Umm, did she not understand the memo? Her breast implants might explode. And even after this, she still wants implants? And bigger ones?
I had hoped the whole exploding implant scandal of 2012 would be enough to get women to reconsider what they were doing to their bodies. Why do women still feel the need to have bigger boobs?
I mean, I survived my stripper career without implants even though I wore a size 32 A bra.
Sure, some men seemed amazed to find that although my breasts were petite, they actually enjoyed watching me dance.
And I didn't always feel so confident about my attributes. I mean, who ever heard of a flat-chested stripper?
My hardest days were when clubs had feature attractions with strippers with GGG breasts, but these were also the days when the men who liked small breasts would support me the loudest. "We like the natural look!"
Of course, as soon as the monster boobs entered stage right, the customers' attention turned boobward and their supportive cries for me weakened.
Even though I was the Unbusty Stripper, I still made a name for myself, performing at all the top New York City clubs.
Yes, I dreamed of what it would be like to be breastfully abundant, but never once contemplated surgery. I was proud of my body.
It is now many years later and I no longer take my clothes off for dollar bills, but I was granted a peek at the world of big busthood. Being a nursing mother is an opportunity to experience the bounty.
Yes, I saw how from some angles my larger boobs looked pretty nice, you know, the whole fullness, swinging, swollen, more-than-a-handful look, but at the same time I also discovered how much more work it is to have bigger boobs. The loading and unloading, the need to sleep ever so carefully when on one's stomach. No more tank tops without bras. No more flitty sundresses No more running without pain.
It was a great responsibility, one I am glad was only a temporary situation.
I now rest here comfortably, letting them all hang out. After nursing three little ones, they have taken their punches, their bites, their ups and downs. And yes, they may sag a bit, but they are real. They are mine. They are beautiful.
And they have no expiration date. And, oh yeah - they will never explode.
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