For most of us, the start of a new season brings with it some fresh hope, as well as some renewed energy to make changes in our lives. So this autumn, leave the thermals out of the bedroom and follow my five top tips to bring some heat back into it in other ways!
Variety Is The Spice Of Life
One of the best ways to do this is to work hard at being lovers again. Think of it this way. If you ate the same meal two, three, or even four times a week, no matter how much you enjoyed it, you'd soon get bored. And I'm sure it wouldn't take you weeks to figure out that adding some spice to the ingredients will give your dish a completely different taste. The same applies to our love lives. Routine can quickly lead to boredom. And if you're bored, no wonder sleep seems the preferred option. But add some variety to your sexual script, and your energy levels will soon be picking up at the thought of sex.
Sexually speaking there are many ways to add to your repertoire. Introducing a (new) toy is a great place to start. If you fancy the adventure but haven't used one before, go alone or take a trip with your other half to a reputable sex shop. Pick out a vibrator that you both like the look of. It's often the case that men choose the biggest and most plastic looking. But a word of warning: Vibrators come in grades. If you're a novice, don't intimidate yourself with its size. Start smaller and get used to the idea first. Even if you're well rehearsed in this department - and latest surveys suggest that half of us are - choose a different one to the usual. The novelty of a new toy can reignite your curiosity levels, which will give you both a new sense of excitement when you try it out. Again and again!
Porn With A Plot
Another way to inject some oomph into your sex life is with erotic films. Recently the market aimed at women has exploded, meaning there's a huge choice of more subtler, sensuous and emotive movies. Basically soft porn with a plot - not too dissimilar from the steamy romance novels we love. Or you could rent a mainstream film with a great sex scene. Think along the lines of Thelma and Louise with Brad and Geena, or Out of Sight, with Clooney and Lopez.
Some New Moves
Variety also means introducing some new moves. Did you know that the average couple alternates between just two or three sex positions? I'm not for a moment suggesting you enact a scene from Cirque de Soleil. Being more subtle will work just fine. Whether it's the Scissors, the Snake, the Crab or even your own creative version of all 3, expanding your repertoire of sexual positions does wonders in-reigniting a sleepy love life. I've even been told by a client, who came to see me with her husband after their second child, that trying out new positions made her feel as excited as she did when they had sex at the beginning of their relationship, 10 years previously.
Step Outside The Bedroom
Don't limit yourself to the bedroom either. I understand if you have kids this can be difficult, but it's not impossible. Next time they go to Grandma Jane's, stay at home to enjoy the bathroom, the lounge and the kitchen in a whole new way. Of course, there's nothing to stop you utilizing a few props from the fridge. If you've seen 9 ½ Weeks you'll understand the sexual potency of whipped cream or strawberry moose.
Final Thought: Treat Your Love Life Like Shoe Shopping!
In our sexual scripts, it's not just the big O that's important, the big V is absolutely crucial. Be brave enough to step out of the ordinary, and dare to invest more energy and creativity into your sex life. I promise the benefits will spill over to elsewhere in your relationship. If you're a woman reading this, just like finding the perfect pair of heels, the success of your love life shouldn't be left to chance either!