Susan Boyle

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Why I Finally Feel I've Beaten My Demons in 2011

Posted: 14/12/11 00:00

It is at this point hurtling towards Christmas that many of us look back over the year with nostalgia, and with a new year just around the corner we start planning our New Year's resolutions and how to improve our lives.

2011, has in many respects, been one of the best years of my life so far. And what a year it's been.

The highlights are endless, too many to mention. It's not just performing in countries round the world that is exhilarating, it's also the many things that happen behind closed doors when I return home to Blackburn, Scotland.

This year I have been lucky enough to visit China and perform on China's Got Talent, to a stadium of 60,000. Words will never fully describe the bursting pride you feel and excitement when 60,000 people are cheering and clapping. It hooks you and leaves you wanting more live performances.

The documentary was a risk, having cameras there following every moment of your life, even the most mundane. A risk because once at home I enjoy my privacy, the moments I can reflect and where I can really be myself. I have to say cleaning my house and making cups of tea I felt would send viewers into a deep sleep but I trusted Osca, and that is what drove me through the process.

This year I have also done a lot more interviews with the press. I have always been very nervous of speaking with journalists. In 2009, through the whirlwind of Britain's Got Talent, suddenly being under a spotlight and analysed, I became afraid. However, I put that fear to one side and decided to sit down with journalists and open up. It was hard, unearthing deep wounds of my childhood, but much like the documentary, if people knew me and had a better insight, then hopefully that would bring understanding and acceptance.

I have actually enjoyed interviews this year and although it is still a nerve wracking process having to bear your soul to those you have only just met, in many ways it has been cathartic. I never realised I had so much I wanted to say and my fear had only led to frustration as I hadn't voiced my opinions.

America, one of my most favourite places to visit, felt like I was returning home. The beautiful Los Angeles, where I returned to perform on shows that I had done in previous years and New York, with all it's hustle, bustle and noise - it truly is the city that never sleeps. Returning back to the familiar surroundings of the hotels and the familiar faces of the crew on the shows is great. Although I will always suffer from nerves pre-performance having the familiar around helps ease the adrenaline.

I managed to visit Australia. I have always wanted to visit but never ever thought for a second I would make it there in my lifetime. It was a spectacular place and spending five days in Sydney was great to promote my album Someone To Watch Over Me. The bridge, the opera house, sailing round the harbour with fans, performing on Australian X Factor and talking to different journalists was truly great. In a short space of time, we packed so much in and it was fantastic - it was a country I could happily move to a buy a new holiday home - my retirement plan.

I've spent a lot more time in the community at home in Blackburn, opening Gala Day and visiting schools to watch performances and shows. I'm being invited to so many different things at home now that I have a proper social life.

I think this leads to a place where I finally feel accepted. Accepted by my fans, accepted by the press who have mostly stopped with the constant barrage and negative stories, accepted by my friends, family and neighbours. In truth I feel I now belong.

It is this acceptance and the feeling of belonging that has helped me lay my demons to rest.

This is really the first time that I feel confident and blessed. It's taken a while to learn how to be happy and enjoy what I am doing. I was so scared it would all come to an abrupt ending that I stopped looking at the positives and enjoying the moments and focused too much on the negatives.

My insecurities were building day by day in a vice-like grip, but after a good talking to I'm learning to be happy, learning to accept what my life has become, learning to control my temper and above all enjoying the moments I am experiencing now.

Meeting so many different people from all walks of life has had a profound effect on me and experiencing the genuine support and love means more to me than counting the number of records sold. It is their happiness and positivity that drives me forward. I want to continue making albums and performing for them.

As for what 2012 will hold, well apart from a musical and a new album, the rest is unknown and now for me the unknown is intoxicating. I am capable of so much more and if I keep pushing my own boundaries and strive for my dreams then hopefully I will be able to continue in the profession that I love.

To all of you, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Let's all of us be determined to make 2012 a wonderful time despite all that is going on in the world.

 

Follow Susan Boyle on Twitter: www.twitter.com/syco_news

It is at this point hurtling towards Christmas that many of us look back over the year with nostalgia, and with a new year just around the corner we start planning our New Year's resolutions and how t...
It is at this point hurtling towards Christmas that many of us look back over the year with nostalgia, and with a new year just around the corner we start planning our New Year's resolutions and how t...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
huffevie
i am a leaf on the wind, watch me soar
23:25 on 18/12/2011
Susan is such a lovely person! She's talented and kind, with a great sense of humor. I saw part of her documentary where she visited with her fan club in New York and was really touched by how she just made herself at home and went to the effort to spend time with each and every person there. I'm glad she made it through the rough part of instant fame and is now able to enjoy her life. She deserves all the positive attention she gets because she gives it back, along with her music, to so many people. I wish her much health and happiness in the future!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
DeniseDuffieldThomas
Coach and Author of Lucky B*tch
23:21 on 18/12/2011
Such abrupt overnight fame would be enough to send anyone slightly mad. Good luck for 2012 and beyond Susan!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
PTAOfficerforObama
A micro bio is a terrrible thing to waste.
22:59 on 18/12/2011
Susan, you are a shining example of "do not judge a book by its cover."
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
SDH283
GOP wants you to stay clueless; why co-operate?
22:04 on 18/12/2011
Here's wishing you a happy and productive 2012!
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inthedesert
Those who never question will fall for anything.
20:46 on 18/12/2011
I have Susan's latest CD and I think it's the best yet. The more I listen to it, the more I love it. I think the song, "This Will Be The Year" fits right in with this lovely story. I am so happy for her success!!!
19:29 on 18/12/2011
I'll never be a performer, or someone in the public eye, but it's so wonderful that you've found your place in life.

I wouldn't doubt that part of finding that place was getting away from the past, and the hurtful people in it, to make your best new start.

It should be allowed.
17:34 on 18/12/2011
I still play over that video of Susan's first audition. The smirks in the audience and the disbelief in the judges' faces made really amusing viewing. I thought her appearance was good, although not of course what most people expect from a contestant - someone in the teenage group with dyed hair and a spotty face. She wore a nice dress which suited her and when she started to sing, wowing everyone, it was an "ugly" ducking turned into a swan moment. She is the champion of all those who society sidelines. Well done!
15:09 on 18/12/2011
Good for her. She is a real talent and it was sad to see her struggle with the fear that celebrity brought to her.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
UBCN2
No damsel in distress.
14:26 on 18/12/2011
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Susan!
11:03 on 18/12/2011
Welcome Susan. I remember when your singing went all across the internet like wildfire..Never have I seen this happen..Your voice is spellbinding, beautuful and now days the world needs as much uplifting as we can get ,which is what you do in many ways..Thank you Susan
06:42 on 18/12/2011
You are a brave woman, Susan Boyle. Thanks for sharing your story and your musical gift with the world. Enjoy and bask in your success--you've earned it.
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mtknibbesr
living happy in Texas
17:29 on 16/12/2011
I WATCHED THE DOCUMENTARY THAT SUSAN IS SPEAKING OF. IT BROUGHT ME TO TEARS.
IN MANY WAYS, SHE IS SO CHILDLIKE AND SINCE SHE LOST HER MUM, WHOM SHE HAD LIVED WITH HER ENTIRE LIFE, SHE IS TRULY ALONE, AT HOME. SHE HAS A TALENT THAT SHE SAYS "GOD" GAVE HER. SO WHY IS EVERYONE GIVING HER, SO MUCH OF THE CREDIT?
AT TIMES, SHE IS CHILDLIKE BUT AT OTHERS, VERY ADULT. SHE DIDN'T WRITE THE ABOVE, ALONE. SHE HAS SOMEONE WHO PROOF READS EVERY THING SHE WRITES. MANY MAY NOT KNOW BUT SHE WRITES MUCH OF HER OWN MUSIC AND WHEN SHE RECORDS, IT HAS TO SOUND LIKE SHE WANTS IT TO, OR IT ISN'T GOING ON UNTIL IT'S HER WAY. SHE IS A REMARKABLE PERSON. HER NEEDS ARE MINIMAL BUT SHE LOVES HER FANS. SHE GETS OUT AMONG THEM AND MEETS AS MANY AS SHE CAN. SHE IS NOT INTO THE CELEBRITY THING NOR DOES SHE WANT THE ACCOUTREMENTS THAT GO WITH IT. I WOULD GIVE MUCH TO BE ABLE TO SEE HER IN CONCERT. KNOWING WHAT SHE HAS GONE THROUGH IN HER LIFETIME AND CHILDHOOD, AS A MOTHER I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO SCOTLAND AND BRING HER HOME WITH ME SO I COULD MOTHER HER. SHE IS A TREASURE. ON ANOTHER NOTE,
ANYONE THINKING SIMON COWELL DOESN'T HAVE A SOFT SIDE, NEEDS TO SEE HOW HE TREATS SUSAN. IT WOULD MAKE YOU CRY. IT DID ME.
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23:26 on 18/12/2011
First, stop yelling! Second, the only reason Cowell treats Susan Boyle well is because she has power. If she didn't, he'd treat her just like he did before she sang.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
SuzyScorp
If opportunity isn't knocking, then build a door!
11:49 on 16/12/2011
Susan Boyle is the typification of someone with new fame. You just got to love the people who experience overnight success - like Kim Kardashian. She eats it all up, then became snobby, shallow and conceited... Not Susan Boyle. There's a connection she has with people, that really draws them in!
20:15 on 18/12/2011
None of the Kardashians have any talent either.
17:25 on 15/12/2011
Thank you for writing this. Hope there will be a lot more posts. I really liked your documentary. Thank you for being so honest with us and for showing us what its like behind the scenes in places like Shanghai at China's Got Talent and in the music business working with Simon Cowell and Stevie Mac.
I love your music and am enjoying following along with you as you try new things (you are a good writer) and keep growing as a person. It's very inspiring watching you. Even when you stumble it just makes us identify with you more and want to cheer you on. I'm glad you are doing so well and are feeling at peace with yourself.
14:18 on 15/12/2011
God Bless you Susan! I am happy to see all your dreams coming true. You definitely inspire me...Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Your mother would be so very proud!