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The Best Thing About the Oscars

26/02/2013 12:11 GMT | Updated 27/04/2013 10:12 BST

Before I begin, look at that title. Think about that title. It sounds like the sort of the title you find in primary school, at the top of a conversational essay on modern culture. You don't get titles like this from film critics, unless they're having a bad day and go nasty on you. And I assure you that this is not the case.

The best thing about the Oscars is, in my opinion, the aftermath of the Oscars. I say this, because I don't have a lot of time for the actual ceremony unless it's in small chunks online. That's where it makes sense.

Watching famous people collect awards is, in my opinion, fairly dull. Usually you'll know who most of them are, why they're there, and who might win. It's nothing new. They'll look nice, deliver speeches about being a small kid making an amazing journey from ignominy to this one amazing moment, thank everyone involved in the film, and occasionally cry a lot. Perhaps someone will do or say something funny. And that's it.

I'm being a tad cynical here, maybe more, but that sort of routine is not worth spending a good three hours or so of your life on. If I want to see the actors and actresses looking nice, I'll look at them on a slideshow that takes less than a minute to breeze through. If I want to hear the best gags of the night, I'll search for them. Likewise with the best speeches.

It isn't the ideal approach if you enjoy an element of surprise, but I can live with it. Films in general are about telling a story. They provide you with a slice of escapism, a moment in which to marvel at something beyond your own imagination. I don't watch a film because of what the actors involved have done previously. I want to see what they do this time.

I'm not saying award ceremonies like the Oscars shouldn't exist. Far from it. It's thanks to the people they honor, after all, that we get great films to enjoy in the first place. We should respect what they do, and give them recognition.

From my perspective, however, the ceremonies are best enjoyed by their participants. What I enjoy more is the stir they cause, the voicing of opinions from distant commentators, the drama created by our fascination with the Hollywood elite. It's one thing to watch someone collect an award; it's another to watch how the world reacts.