THE BLOG

You're Amazing... So Why Are You Still Single?

09/02/2016 08:18 GMT | Updated 08/02/2017 10:12 GMT

This February The Huffington Post UK is running Making Modern Love, a fortnight-long focus on what love means to Britons in the 21st Century. Built on the three themes of finding love, building love and losing love, HuffPost will feature human stories that explore exactly what it is to be in love in modern times

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You're an amazing woman. You're smart, independent, you have lots of friends, you're nailing your career and you have a good life.

There's just one problem.

By this age you had imagined you'd be married to the love of your life, having met him in your mid to late twenties when you were wild and carefree. However life didn't quite go according to plan on that front. In fact, as you get further into your 30's you seem to be getting worse at it.

As another year goes by, and another summer of weddings and baby showers, you start to wonder, "is it EVER gonna happen for me?". You're happy for your friends, sure, but underneath it all, you're angry. Hard done by... left on the shelf.

You're stuck in love but maybe you haven't admitted that yet.

You've dated, you've been rejected, you've loved, you've lost.

You can't understand it...and your friends are even more baffled than you. Because you're amazing, so why are you still single?

Is it because you're unlucky in love?

Maybe the good guys really have all gone and there are simply none left?

Is is because you're just not cut out for dating (esp online dating... UGH)

Or maybe men are intimidated by women like you?

But the truth is, there is only ONE reason why you're still single:

You're not ready for love.

Why are we so sure? Because we've made it our business for the last three years to help women make the transition from feeling stuck and frustrated with their love life to being well and truly ready for it.

Signs that you're not ready for love:

1. You always seem to attract the wrong kind of guy ­ ones that are emotionally unavailable/won't commit/run off with someone else!

2. You often feel that the problem is that you're not enough or you're too much and that is why guys don't go for you

3. Relationships and dating always seem to be wound up in drama, rejection and getting hurt

4. You feel angry that it hasn't happened for you, but it has for most of your friends

5. Deep down you feel like a bit of a failure for not being in a committed relationship at this age

6. You're still hung up on your ex

7. You believe that if you could just find the right person for you then you'd be happy, and that life would somehow be better, easier

If you agreed with even just one of these statements, then it's a sign that you're not ready for love. Not yet.

So why not? What is missing? And what can you do to turn things around?

Well to answer that let's see what it looks like when you are ready for love:

When you're ready for love you feel good about your love life. You enjoy it. You want a relationship, yes, but with the right person and you know that there are plenty of great guys out there so it's worth taking your time to find one that is right for you. You won't tolerate the guys that won't commit and you approach dating with love and respect for the people you go on dates with.

You don't try to be 'more' or 'less' of who you are to attract a man ­ you are happy with who you are. You aren't waiting for a knight in shining armour to come and save you from your sad singleness and take you to the land of happy­ever­after because you don't need saving.

You aren't looking for someone to complete you because you ARE complete. And you can categorically and unapologetically say, with your hand on your heart, that it is going to happen for you and it's not a matter of IF, it's a matter of when.

So what is the secret ingredient that takes you from feeling stuck and frustrated in your love life to confident, relaxed and ready?

The answer?

Self­-love.

Self-­love is your power.

Self love is the magic that attracts in the right person for you. It is the energy that has you love with your whole heart, knowing that you don't need to hold back and hide who you are anymore. It is that inner wisdom that tells you to walk away from the guy who will never commit. It is the fuel that will help you bounce back after you've been rejected. It is the space from which love grows and the absolute belief in yourself, that you are worthy enough for love. Right here, right now. Exactly as you are.

You've been running around looking for love when all along the love that you were longing for, without even knowing it, is the love you already had within you. And you finally realise that love isn't something you get from another person, it is something you cultivate from within.

When you become the source of love in your life, it changes everything.

And that is when you know you are finally ready for love.

Vicki Burtt and Selina Barker founded Project Love in 2013 to help women lead happy and healthy love lives. Through their online courses, workshops, speaking events, 1-2-1 coaching and a regular podcast show, they offer a new approach to love, dating and relationships.

Join Project Love's free course on self-love, #28daysoflove2016, starting 14 February. Visit loveprojectlove.com for more info.