THE BLOG

Not Wanting Children Does Not Mean I'm Broken

07/03/2016 09:42 GMT | Updated 06/03/2017 10:12 GMT

Since turning 36, the pressure and judgement from other women around my age has increased tenfold on the subject of me choosing to be single and not wanting kids.

First off, let me address the relationship thing. A lot of women will tell me when I say I don't want kids that I "just haven't met the right man yet." Um....NO. First off, do you know I'm straight? No, you don't. Not that being queer is an issue these days if you want kids, I'm just saying that it's rude to assume.

My problem with this comment is that people seem to think that other people need to be in a relationship to matter to society or to be complete. After a marriage that ended because I could no longer tolerate the abuse after 7 years and a string of failed relationships, I have come to realise that I don't need a partner. I am perfectly happy with my life as it is and I actually function better as a person without being in a relationship. I now know that for me, a relationship is just a fairly nice addition to my already fulfilling life. And embellishment of sorts if you will. It's nice, but I don't need it. I know a lot of people who just can't be on their own and that's entirely their business. Sadly for them, they will often end up in unsatisfying and sub-par relationships to just fill that need they have to be part of a couple but again, none of my fucking business. If that's how they roll, then so be it. I don't need a significant other to 'complete' me. I'm comfortable enough with myself that i feel complete without a partner. It may be what you need, but newsflash: not everyone is the same as you and wants or needs the same things.

Now, onto the whole children thing. Strap in my darlings, this is gonna get bumpy as fuck...

Society has been telling women for years that their sole purpose in life is to breed and reproduce. That's what we're here for right? That's why we women have a uterus, to spawn more humans. It's expected of us and has been since the dawn of time. How else is the population of the world expected to grow otherwise, correct?

Well here's the thing: not all women want to breed. Not all women want kids. Not all women even like the idea of kids. There are more of us than you think, but we're out there and the older we get, the morE pissed off we get with other women judging us for not wanting what society tells us we should.

Who are you to judge another woman for her life choices if they're not hurting you?

I frequently find myself surrounded by women who have a child, often more than one. At the age of 36, most women I know have been married for 10 years or so and have kids, it's just a fact of life. I'm at the peak age for having a family and a house and the white picket fence and society dictates that I should be in the full bloom of family life. Well i'm not and you shouldn't judge me for that, whether you agree with it or not.

There is nothing wrong with me for not wanting children.

There is nothing wrong with me for enjoying being single.

There is nothing wrong with me for not wanting what you want.

There is nothing wrong with me for not wanting what society says i should.

I am not broken.

There are many, many reasons that I don't want kids (the list gets longer every day) and not one of them is any of your business. The fact that other women seem to think it's ok to cock their heads at me when they find out I don't want kids and say: "Oh, is it because you can't have children?" makes my head want to explode. It is not OK to be that personal and intrusive. What if I couldn't have kids because of some horrific event in my past? What if I've been through a string of miscarriages? Don't just assume that I can't have kids when I say i don't want them. The fact that we have a uterus in common seems to let other women think it's OK to go straight in for the jugular with me when I say I don't want children. So remember ladies: it's most certainly not OK to ask these things unless you know the person fairly well. You simply cannot ask a stranger you just met something like that so please stop being so nosy while you give me a pitying look and rub your 8 month baby bump in my general direction.

So please, I'm begging you, stop hassling me about my love life and baby situation and leave me in peace to morph into my true form: an angry old cat lady who smokes too much and prefers fictional characters to real people.

In short, my uterus and what I choose to do with it is none of your goddamn business.