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William Davie

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A Gentleman not a Lad

Posted: 11/02/2013 18:02

I like to think of myself as a gentleman. Not in the top hat wearing, Bertie Wooster sense of the word, but in the more general sense. Even though I don't always succeed, I make an effort to be polite to everyone, and to respect those I disagree with. That's why the discovery of the sites LADBible and UniLAD make me want to throw something through a window.

For those of you who have the good fortune not to know what those sites are, count yourselves lucky and stay as far away from them as possible. I looked through them in the course of writing this piece and by the end I not only wanted to tear my own eyes out, but had a deep and burning disrespect for some members of my own gender.

A hold over from the mid-nineties lad culture, both of these sites are full of the type of immature banter, sexist jokes and encouragement of casual drunken violence that also permeates such magazines as Nuts and Zoo. However my problem with them stems not so much from the stereotypical image of guys - especially university guys - that they promulgate, but from their opinion of women.

Regularly referred to as "wenches" (a phrase I was fairly certain had fallen out of use in about 1776), according to these sites the only thing women are good for is sex, and the only thing that matters about them is where they fall on some imagined scale of attractiveness. Now I am far from a patriarchy destroying feminist, but as a gentleman with many female friends this view both disturbs and disgusts me.

Considering it's been around ninety years since women were first given the vote in the United Kingdom and considering that one of our longest serving Prime Ministers was a woman, these sorts of opinions and comments should really have gone the way of the dodo. Every girl I know is sharp, articulate and has a wide range of interests and opinions. Even the ones who do enjoy cliché things such as shopping are fiercely intelligent and I would never even consider viewing them as mere objects put on earth for my use.

This idea seems to stem from the idea of male privilege. That is, because males have been the dominant gender for the majority of human history, we are therefore at an advantage in society and more important. While it is true that men do have an advantage, I would never consider myself superior to anyone solely because I was born male. To suggest that men are superior to women just because they are men, is like suggesting that brunettes are superior to blondes just because they brunette. It's stupid and has no basis in fact.

Fortunately for me, the majority of my male friends seem to feel the same way and treat women with the respect that they deserve. But the fact that this "lad culture" still holds sway over anyone is a fact that seriously needs to be addressed.

 

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07:32 PM on 02/15/2013
'laddish'ness is so disney. I know people who favorite this 'Unilad' along with cheap waste of paper - Zoo, Sport, Nuts, etc. Those I have known have been women-batterers - unable to critically analyze for themselves as they are still infantile within mind; they have been rapists because they do not consider human connection as anything other than supplying their pathetic seeking of gratification to make up for their lack of understanding anything other than their supply route. They are also usually taking vast amounts of cheap drugs, which brings more complication to defining their 'cultural product': I have also heard their scummy fans bragging about beating people up or "having them disappear"; seems to have replaced the "gentlemen". But perhaps using the label 'gentleman' is wrong, where there are still 'wenches', willingly enacting the role, are still the kind that were once the wealthy gentlemen able to pay for the 'sin'; now it is a bunch of multi-gendered, hyper-sexualied maladjusted and primarily unconscious fools with little ambition, conjoining their lax mental capabilities with obscure self-incestuous mentalities and obsessions of eroticism to commit self-infanticide - because they have to so immensely prove to their 'self' that they are a big boy/girl, that they are all grown up, that they are like what adults do. All because they refuse to acknowledge their own responsibilities and fears. But, alas, this is 'democracy'. And after all, if there was no harmful man, there would be no gentle one.
09:48 PM on 02/12/2013
'Far from a patriarchy destroying feminist'? What's wrong with believing in equal rights and doing everything possible to break the barriers society has put up that hurt both women AND men? I lost all respect for your argument then, sorry.
02:52 PM on 02/12/2013
This is such an out-dated viewpoint, with your mind already made up before researching into these popular sites/groups/topic. Would you not say jokes or 'Banter' is how males have been bonding for years, however harsh (even in Jeeves and Wooster). You are suggesting that women should be left out of this bonding just because they are women? There are extremes to some social activity i agree, vandalism is not acceptable. However who in this modern age is sheltered enough to not tell the difference from 99% of friday night antics between friends, and the 1% that may go over the top. I respect any female friend enough to treat her the same as i would a male, shockingly enough they can be just as crude and 'Laddish'..