PMQs Sketch: Banker Bashing Or Just Complex And Derivative?

Sketch: Miliband Finds No Interest In A Leveson For Bankers

Oh no, now we really are all in this together. Journalists and politicians lining up to bash bankers, as though neither industry ever had its own reputation problems over the past few years!

PMQs saw Ed Miliband trying to sound prime ministerial and statesmanlike, unfortunately it ended up coming across as quite irrelevant.

"Traders cheating, the mis-selling of insurance products. A continuing bonus merry-go-round," Miliband reeled of a list of banking misdemeanours, concluding they all needed a big, open, judge-led inquiry along the lines of Leveson.

Not on your nelly, Cameron might have said, if he were being candid. Instead he told MPs that the bankers were "appalling" and "outrageous" but he wanted a short, sharp inquiry by Parliament, not another epic inquiry along the lines of Leveson. And who can blame him? Most people agree that Leveson has been a largely dull exercise with only the occasional swatch of interesting evidence.

Ed Miliband clearly thought the PM had gone deaf and told him so. "I don't think the prime minister has understood the depths of public concern," claimed the Labour leader.

Not at all, replied Cameron. "I always listen very carefully." It's fair to say that Cameron is probably more in tune with the public on this, who already knew bankers were asses and have greeted the confirmation of this with a collective shrug.

So far PMQs had been very polite and civilised. Behind closed doors the two party leaders have had some quite constructive conversations about the banking probe, but on the floor of the Commons Ed Miliband then broke cover and claimed the Tory party was "bankrolled by the banks", and that because of this the PM couldn't act in the national interest.

"I am not going to take lectures from a party that was in office for 13 years when all this happened," replied Cameron. Curiously throughout the exchanges Ed Balls was abnormally subdued!

Cameron muttered something about "complex derivatives" which seemed apt because the subject matter is complex and almost everything the politicians are saying is derivative. "Everybody can see what is happening here," claimed Cameron - "Yes!" screamed Labour at almost football match levels of hysteria.

Later Cameron was asked whether the government would ensure any naughty bankers wouldn't be able to walk away with hefty severance payments and bonuses.

"It would be completely wrong, I very much hope that won't happen," said Cameron - which is code for: "I can't do anything about it at all, actually."

MPs are going to vote later in the week on what sort of banker-bashing inquiry they want. The government will get its way and have a Parliamentary inquiry, and mercifully the country will only have six months of rolling coverage of yet another set of British institutions being hauled through big muddy puddles.

Final verdict:

David Cameron: Well-performing portfolio

Ed Miliband: Sub-Prime

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