The Fifty Shades Of Grey trilogy is hardly what you expect to see on your gradmother's bookshelf on a Sunday afternoon. But prepare for the inevitable.
Requests for audio versions of the book have gone through the roof according to Calibre, a charity that provides for short-sighted pensioners, with the majority coming from women over 70.
"Many of these women were part of the ‘60s sexual revolution are very broadminded," Calibre's director, Michael Lewington, told Huff Post UK Lifestyle. "Some are now housebound and feel socially excluded but literature links them with the outside world. When relatives come they can talk about the latest bestsellers which they (Calibre's users) can borrow from us."
Christine Ronaldson, Head of Literature and Audio Book Production said: “As a library with 8,500 audio books covering over 60 categories from fiction to non-fiction, we have to respond to what our members want to read. Our decision to add this popular series reflects this.
"We believe that people who are visually impaired should have the same access to books as sighted people. Our members can choose not to receive X-rated books, but many others like a story with a bit of spice.”
EL James racy trilogy follows young, sexually inexperienced student Ana Steele and her affair with billionaire Christian Grey.
Items on the Fifty Shades wish list...
Fifty Shades Of... Props
Although sales of soft rope have reportedly shot up in the US, we've selected other household items that might sell-out, as couples spice up their love life - Fifty Shades style...
Anastasia spends a lot of time 'tied up' in Christian. However, although 'Fifty Shades' mainly uses handcuffs and his grey tie to do the deed - could cable ties be the next bondage prop du jour? <strong> Which part of the book?</strong> "He takes out his silver-grey woven tie that leaves small impressions of its weave on my skin... I'm tied to my bed, and I'm so aroused."
Christian tested Ana's 'hard limit' by spanking her with a flogger. However, they made up again and spanking was back on the menu - just on her terms... Perhaps a DIY wooden dowel would satisfy a bondage beginner's curiousity? <strong>Which part of the book?</strong> "He gently trails his palm across my behind again before continuing my spanking. I surrender myself to the rhythm of blows, absorbing each one, savoring each one..."
During the trilogy, Ana experiments with nipple clamps. Would Fifty fans dare to try clothes pegs as a DIY alternative? <strong>Which part of the book?</strong> "These clamps are vicious.' He prods the nipple clamps. 'We'll use these ...They're adjustable."
Ice Cream Scooper
The couple's sadomasochistic antics weren't restricted to sex toys - they also experimented with food. Ice cream anyone? <strong>Which part of the book?</strong> "Christian trails a spoonful of ice cream down the center of my body, across my stomach, and into my navel..."
The kinky couple regularly use blindfolds during their steamy sessions Will Fifty fans ramp it up and use masking tape to cover their lover's eyes? <strong>Which part of the book?</strong> "I Close My Eyes, Feeling the Build Up...Pushing Me Higher, Higher To The Castle In The Air"
Fifty Shades fans will be pleased to learn that the bestseller is being brought to the stage in 50 Shades! The Musical. The musical parody debuts at Edinburgh festival and is performed by Baby Wants Candy.
Best 50 Shades parodies
50 Sheds of Grey
'Inspired' barely covers it - 50 Sheds Of Grey reworks the book's erotic oassages through a DIY prism. Or something.
Former TV football presenter and disgraced sexist Andy Gray gives a blow by blow account of his own sex life which is, unsurprisingly, somewhat more lurid than the book it's parodying.
The book's kinky, long-fingered millionaire has popped up with his own account, and spends more of the time quoting the passages that make hinm look good and replying to adoring females fans who may or may not realise that Christian Grey is a fictional character.
See before. It's sickening, really.
50 Shades of Shit
Really, really not for the faint-hearted, 50 Shades of Shit is what EL James would have written if she was a jaded hardcore pornography addict rather than a saucy Mum type.