"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else," said Woody Allen.

He also said - and wrote - many other marvellous things, of course. Such as the 50 funny lines below.

Yes, the wonderful American writer, director and comedian turns 77 on 1 December - and to celebrate, we've collected a mere snapshot of his funniest work, from his films, writings and standup routines...

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And when you've chuckled your way through that little lot, here are 10 of his finest celluloid moments...

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There's good news for Allen fans in the London area, too. The UK's first 'Woodystock' takes place at the Hackney Picturehouse on Saturday 1 December, and it's everything you've always wanted to have in a Woody Allen night but were afraid to ask for: a screening of 'Manhattan', readings from Woody's New Yorker short stories, live stand-up comedy, a live jazz trio - featuring clarinet and Django Reinhardt-style guitar, of course - and more. Book your ticket here (and make sure you dance like this on the night).

And speaking of jazz, we think there's only one way to sing "Happy Birthday" to Woody Allen, and it's to this band. Take it away, the gentlemen of Preservation Hall!


Quote sources: WikiQuote, Imdb, Total Film