Mankind is NOT on the brink of an unspeakable conflict with goats. We repeat – the rumours of a hairy, horny apocalypse are false.
A newspaper has published an apology after misquoting the director of a science festival, suggesting he feared a “terrible war between man and goats.”
Richard Robinson was answering reader questions for the Brighton Argus when comments to the effect the human race was on the brink of locking horns with the domesticated mammals were attributed to him.
The paper has since printed this apology:
— Patricia Sauthoff (@gitagovinda) March 12, 2014
(It reads: "We would like to clarify that the quote 'I have become increasingly convinced that we are heading for a disastrous confrontation and that the 21st century will be remembered for a terrible war between mankind and goats' was a reader question and not a response from Mr Robinson.
"The next paragraph: ‘People often underestimate how dangerous a goat can be – I personally know six people who have become severely injured by goats, and the annual death toll racked up by goats is over 2,000,000', is also a reader question and not a response from Mr Robinson.
"The Argus is happy to correct this and would like to apologise for the error."
Intriguingly however, while Robinson ducked the question about a goat uprising, he did exhibit grave doubts about the motives of sea urchins.
He said: “I’m afraid I cannot address your problem. I have much more important things to think about just now: sea urchins, hordes of them, with their evil poisoned spines, there in the sea, just out of view, waiting… waiting.”