COMEDY

Gwyneth Paltrow And Chris Martin's Break-Up Announcement - A Translation

26/03/2014 11:04 GMT | Updated 26/03/2014 17:59 GMT
Colin Young-Wolff/Invision/AP
Gwyneth Paltrow, left, and Chris Martin are seen at the 3rd Annual Sean Penn & Friends HELP HAITI HOME Gala on Saturday, Jan. 11, 2014 at the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Colin Young-Wolff /Invision/AP)

So actress Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin have announced they're breaking up - or rather, "consciously uncoupling" - after nearly 11 years of marriage. Here's what the couple's statement on GOOP was really saying (possibly):

Conscious Uncoupling


Breaking Up

It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate.

Sadly, we have decided to separate.

We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us

We have been working very hard for well over a year, most of it separated, to see whether we could hold this thing together

and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much, we will remain separate.

and we have come to the conclusion that we’re breaking up.

We are, however, and always will be a family

We do, however, love our children

and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been.

and in a few ways we are closer than we have ever been.

We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time.

We know this is probably p***ing in the wind, but it’s worth a shot anyway: Please leave us and our kids alone.

We have always conducted our relationship privately

You’ve never seen us on the red carpet together

and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent

and we hope that as we break up and coparent

we will be able to continue in the same manner.

you will leave us the f*** alone. Seriously.


Love, Gwyneth & Chris

Love to everyone apart from the press, Gwyneth & Chris

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