20/02/2014 05:35 GMT | Updated 20/02/2014 13:59 GMT

Alex Turner's Brit Awards Acceptance Speech: A Translation

Thank you. Thank you. One two… One two…

I might be a bit drunk.

That rock 'n' roll, eh? That rock 'n' roll, it just won’t go away.

No, really. I think I'm quite drunk.

It might hibernate from time to time and sink back into the swamp.

Yep, definitely drunk.

I think the cyclical nature of the universe in which it exists demands it adheres to some of its rules.

God, I wish I was Russell Brand.

But it’s always waiting there, just around the corner - ready to make its way back through the sludge and smash through the glass ceiling, looking better than ever.

F*** you, One Direction.

Yeah, that rock 'n' roll, it seems like it’s faded away sometimes, but it will never die.

My band alone is personally responsible for keeping rock 'n' roll alive.

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

Thank you very f***ing much for this. I do truly appreciate it. Don’t take that the wrong way.

I'm drunk but trying to be humble.

And yeah… invoice me for the microphone if you need to.

I'm drunk and richer than you'll ever be.