It's one of those illnesses that you never get over, addiction. But far worse than the looming fear of relapse, is the fact that addicts are not 'allowed' to do anything other than recover.
Addiction is an insidious illness. It creeps up on you, it deludes you; it makes you act like a lunatic, while simultaneously making you believe you're not really ill. It's a messed-up, maddening mind-screw of an illness.
Recovery is like a reprieve, because once you're an alcoholic, you can never drink again. Once a drug addict, there is no room for recreational dabbling. Addiction does not go into remission, no matter how long you've been clean and sober. Unlike most illnesses, you're never, ever safe from it reappearing.
But as if that wasn't enough of a burden on our shoulders, recovering addicts are subject to the scars of this illness long after we have 'officially' left it behind.
Even in recovery, we are never free of the judgements of others, the shady pasts we are scared to show, and the belief that, actually, we will never really amount to anything.
Despite the fact that respected researchers, experts and scientists have shown that true addiction is a disorder, and not a moral failing, people still blame us for being ill. And we take that blame and turn it into a stick, with which to beat our self-esteem into tiny fragments.
Fine, I can deal with ignorance. But what I can't bear is the fact that many recovering addicts remain mired in their shame, even when they have got themselves clean and sober and are living respectable lives.
Even when you are in recovery, often you feel like you can't, or 'shouldn't' do as much as everyone else.
You hear of people getting over other serious illnesses and disorders, then organising giant feats to celebrate. Cancer sufferers swimming the channel; people who have lost their legs running marathons.
But the recovering addicts tend to keep quiet. Most addicts don't say: "Look, how amazing - I beat the odds and got over my alcoholism. Now see what I can do!"
Addicts seem to be expected to get on quietly with things, have small successes and be happy just to not be drinking and drugging.
Sure, I have massive gratitude for the little things and the fact that I'm no longer a complete wreck - but that's not all there is to my life.
I wouldn't be honouring my recovery, or the people who helped me achieve it, if I were to play small. I would be letting my illness pull me down further and limit me even more.
If I have taken from society when in my active addiction, I now want to contribute, big-time. If I have devastated my family, I now want to make them super-proud. If I have learnt lessons on my journey, I need to share them. If I have recovered, I need to show others it is possible.
The stigma won't end if we all duck our heads down. The ignorance won't end if we remain forever anonymous. And people struggling with addiction right now will have no hope that it can be better, if some of us don't publicly show them it can. After all, why would addicts want to get better, just to spend the rest of their lives with heads hanging in shame.
Addicts in recovery have achieved something amazing and they have a lot to give to the world - if only they could bring themselves to believe it. It's time to play big for me. I need to do it, not just for me, but for others. Will you let me? And will you join me?
Follow Beth Burgess on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BethSmyls
Guideposts : Andrew Zimmern's Road to Recovery
Rev. Dr. Paul Bradley: Step Seven: Performing the Surgery
QUOTE "Fine, I can deal with ignorance. But what I can't bear is the fact that many recovering addicts remain mired in their shame",
If necessary turn that shame into PRIDE, proud that just by talking frankly you might have helped hundreds more with your article and book.
I am proud to say that I was once a very heavy addicted smoker (180 a day at my peak) not because I am actually proud of such a thing, but proud that by telling others I know it helped them overcome their addictions, people will react better to advice from people who have been "hooked" than those who've just read about it in books. (no disrespect intended towards therapists who haven't their own personal experience to perhaps help them understand fully).
There are some people who probably weren't actually addicted who will give you false testimony such as "I was once an alcoholic but am now in CONTROL and can have the occasional drink" (Same can be said for some smokers)
True addictions aren't CURED they lie dormant waiting to be fed, people who will acknowledge that if they let a thing control them in the past, they can NEVER control it in the future - they must let it remain dormant. The really good news is that life is BETTER without the addiction. I speak as an ex-smoker. I had my last cigarette in 1985 and wouldn't risk another - best part is even if they were made without addictive substances - I wouldn't want one.
I hope something I've said will help, but remember only you can really help yourself. So start looking forward to a future without an addiction that CONTROLLED you.
Best Wishes - I feel sure that the more you look forward to being a non-drinker the easier things will be.
Incidentally although I've never cured anyone of an addiction - I have helped hundreds (possibly thousands) to overcome addictions themselves.
He was lucky that he never received a conviction as an addict as he was a working addict, you write about the stigma attached to people who suffer from this disease, however what are your views from your perspective about the criminalisation of addicts in society and their subsequent treatment in a criminal system as evil people because they are drug addicts? Do you feel that drug addiction should be treated as a health issue or as a criminal/punishment issue? As in do you think a criminal record and assistance from the prison system would benefit your recovery?
Thanks
I wish you every strength on your journey
The people who become addicts are suffering from a disorder, and diverting via the treatment system rather than the penal system is both the both compassionate and effective way of dealing with this. Prison should be a last resort, not least because these are ill people, not evil people.
I think one of the differences between addiction and some other physical/mental affliction (both of which you didn't ask for), is that addiction *gave* you something you wanted at the same time as taking something away. Willpower alone cannot defeat a physical/mental affliction; but as some lucky addicts who've broken free without help would suggest, willpower can help addiction.
As someone born with (i assume, or possibly nurtured into, or perhaps a little of both) a propensity towards addiction, i've been careful what addiction i allowed to take hold (as i personally believe that you can only swap one addiction for another that offers your brain the reward it seeks - e.g. alcohol for fitness, drugs for religion, gambling for food, etc)... I accept that i'm an addict for life, and that i'm going to make mistakes and do dumb things - and sometimes i'm gonna be able to make the right choices, kick its a55, function as an indistinguishable member of society (as, i presume, some afflicted with physical/mental setbacks may well feel).
But as an addict, I *am* different; i have to accept that or risk making the problem worse. And that i am different means the world would be foolish to see me as anything other than that.
No 12 step, no medical help, just a couple of weeks hell, then years to re-adjust to the new life.
Its the easiest, and simultaneously hardest thing to do, saying enough.
What is a real problem however, is society & socialising. Always having to explain. Booze is everywhere, and people (especially in Scotland) get edgy about having a sober person around, as the night wears on, and bit by bit, they lose control. That said, rather isolated than alkie. Best decision ever.
Stop with the "recovering" nonsense Beth, and just be an ex.
I agree that socialising can be difficult - but it's more down to other people being wary. I have no problem going to pubs etc, but it's like drinking is such a norm (and getting plastered too, in the UK), that we're seen as the weird ones - the ones NOT slurring, acting daft and being sick on our shoes. Crazy, huh?
I have a few choice phrases I use as to why I don't drink - something lighthearted about me being an absolute boozehead before. They usually give people a giggle, make them feel at ease and that puts the whole issue to bed normally. I don't hang around if people are too plastered, as it's annoying! But I have a good night out and probably more fun than most :)
Wish I had some helpful advice re boyfriend, but alcoholism has many different levels, and it would be presumptious to assume. All I would say, is that if he needs booze to function, makes you unhappy, and won't accept he has a problem, then life's too short..