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Make Sobriety Your B*tch

24/04/2013 17:47 BST | Updated 24/06/2013 10:12 BST

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

No thanks

Serenity does not bring sobriety. Needing to accept you cannot change your drinking is a lie. And believing either will almost exclusively lead you straight back to drinking. Make sobriety your b*tch instead.

Making sobriety your b*tch means you get to be in charge. No, you do not drink. No, you do not think about it. Do not entertain it as option. Your body is not going to go renegade and pour itself a drink. Become obsessed with sobriety. Why is it such a strange suggestion? When being obsessed with drinking is seen as totally acceptable in recovery circles.

We have all been there. Felt that despair, the fathomless, formless, horrific fear of uncertainty and doubt in our own recovery gnawing away at us constantly. Relentlessly. You think you can beat that fear with serenity? With acceptance? With neutrality? Not a chance. It takes an emotion just as strong as the fear to knock the fear out of us. Passion. Determination. Power. Absolute knowing. That's when sobriety is effectively maintained. When a strong, unequivocal feeling of being in charge is fostered and then consistently utilised. That's why making sobriety your b*tch works.

Give it everything - this desire to be in charge of your own sobriety. Make it your priority. Every second of every day can be dedicated to not drinking and being 100% confident in your own ability to do so. It's entirely possible. Right now. And if you think this is unrealistic?

I'm not sorry.

And if it makes you angry? The suggestion that sobriety is always in our grasp? That we get to choose today to get sober and stay sober? That we don't have to be separated from the world. The very act of separating ourselves from people is what guarantees failure in the first place.

Alcoholics are not morons. We don't need protecting from the suggestion that we are in charge of our own thoughts and actions. In fact every alcoholic who describes themselves as in recovery, but who suggests that the notion of self-empowerment in recovery is dangerous? They are wrong. And they are not promoting recovery. Just prolonging bouts in between relapse. And if you find that suggestion offensive?

I'm not sorry.

Being fed lies such as we must protect ourselves from life? Protect ourselves from other people's sobriety methods? Its bullsh*t. If someone tried it and it worked then it's definitely worth a go. And if it flies in the face of the majority? Of popular opinion? Of those who purport and expound the methods that almost exclusively ensure failure? That extoll the virtues of mediocrity in sobriety? Also bullsh*t

Make sobriety your b*tch. Live your sober life vibrantly. Do it publicly. Flaunt it unashamedly.

And don't be sorry.

This is your life. Your will. Your body. You decide what happens next, no one else. And the suggestion that alcohol is so powerful that we don't even get to exercise this will? Quite frankly it's insulting. Demeaning. Feeling powerless is an horrendous emotion. We cannot get sober and stay sober feeling like that. So if the only reason you haven't made sobriety your b*tch yet is that you've been told it is impossible? Then I suggest you have a little rethink. Sobriety has been my b*tch for years. I like it much better this way.

And no - I'm not sorry.

And for those who stand in the chorus line and proclaim my danger both to sobriety and to alcoholics in general? Who would prefer me to shut up and go back to living in fear of drinking and simply surviving recovery step by miserable step?

I'm not your b*tch either.