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The Happy Foreigner

04/03/2014 12:44 GMT | Updated 03/05/2014 10:59 BST

Wow, have you seen the new Lego Movie? It's been a while since I've seen a film that celebrates the freedom of art, autonomous thinking and expressionism, where being different is a reason to be celebrated, sharply contrasted with the homogenisation of the capitalist model where a sheepish culture is too brainwashed to question the world presented to them. Otherwise it's a really good kids film. Upon a somewhat romanticised reflection, the socialist capitalist war it portrays is not all too dissimilar to how I see how the Scottish independence debate has been shaping up. Now I'm not saying in Scotland we've been manufacturing rainbows and regenerating crofting communities, we still like the rest of the UK, like flat screen TV's, the National Lottery and a deep-lying sense of knowledge that the England football team will never win anything meaningful for some time. Whether the break up happens or not, the current debate is opening up the divisions whilst the Etonites vehemently try to convince us of the collective identity relationship we share. Something I think I'm kind of blind to. I've never really understood or felt this ideology of what it is to be British. The only thing I consider to be 'British' about myself is that when abroad I get upset when a queuing system is not in place and a form of chaos theory ensues. Also I miss not having cereal for breakfast when away. And that's it. That is what my British Passport has to say about me.

Without stating the apparent obviousness, I'm very much in the pro-camp. Or as some of my fellow impassioned supporters call it, Get The Fuck In or Fuck the Fuck Off. With the date coming nearer and nearer, it's hard for anyone to be on the fence and it's becoming increasingly feisty. My own decision for supporting independence is not one of blind jingoistic notions of anti-English rhetoric, but I swear I do love it when they lose at anything and I do like to wind up people when people say Scots are only voting for Independence because they hate the English, to which I respond "yep and your point is?" Joking aside I'm a little baffled by some of the rhetoric from the together supporters who state this sense of ideology of two neighbours who openly hate one another, but we still want to live in the same bungalow? The currency union debate was a classic example, if the Unionists insist that the pound sterling would be better together than not, then they seem particularly opposed to still acting together as two separate states. Yes there are ramifications of two separate states having an affect on the growth and decline of a currency. Even if we don't get the pound, I've always liked the idea of a bartering system. I particularly look forward to the day I barter a can of WD40 with a self-checkout machine for my British habitual purchasing of a box of cereal.

Although we share a great deal in common, I do believe there is a particular mind-set that is completely different, my English mother, an immigrant from Dalrington, believes this to be the case and even a few non-nationals based in Scotland have confirmed this notion. When I myself am down in England I feel it in myself that I'm a happy foreigner. No more so than in London. I particularly love the introverted disdain you all have for one another. Particularly evident when I go to buy a coffee and the first thing I'm asked is if it is to take away, i.e. "Are you fucking off?" If London doesn't have a motto, then it would be that it doesn't settle for second best. Which in a way is quite admirable, but it embodies all the negative traits of the capitalist model, to be the one in the constant limelight, so insular it doesn't see nor care for the world outside it. Scotland, like lots of parts of England are largely fed up of the political, media and economic concentration it has control over. Don't worry, we're quite aware of the UK media bias in favour of the Better Campaign. The BBC were wonderful enough to post a story about some oil chief warning against independence, yet neglected to give the same front page coverage of Scotland legalising gay marriage, because one civilians fear mongering far outweighs a democratic act of social progression. As the last election demonstrated, the Tories are as welcome in Scotland as Kim Jong-un at a Human Rights Convention, or even just the Tories at a Human Right's Convention. We'd probably go down and protest more at Westminster if it wasn't for the fact private rail is so twatting expensive and Mega Bus is less a means of public transport but a way of dry curing meats. Yes the Tories are a wonderful motivational means for Scotland to seek full political and economical autonomy, but still I feel there is so much more in the Scottish mind-set that differentiates us to the Canoe enthusiasts of the south, like our respect for other nation's sovereignty. It's a surprise Operation Yewtree has not investigated England for interfering with minor nations over the decades.

The campaigns themselves are very reflective of the means of how each Govern, the Yes Campaign one that promotes hope and a positive future, the Better Together using fear and bullying tactics and a promise of isolation if Scotland did go it's own way. As much as the Yes campaign will be flawed in areas and largely based on hypothetical positive outcomes, I'd rather be under a government that promotes positivity than one that wants to control by fear, one where the parliament is on my doorstep and easier to engage with, or throw an egg at if needed. And a vote for Scottish independence doesn't mean it's a vote for Alex Salmond. As much as a muppet people like to make out he is, he's a shadow of a cretin compared to any high-ranking MP in Westminster. It's come to a point where the threats have become almost pathetic and empty, the latest that Scotland will not get the BBC if it goes it's own way. That's like being told that you're not going to be getting any great sex anymore but in reality all the BBC have been offering is a sloppy hand job from malnourished wrists.

But what if Scotland does get independence, what does that mean for non-Scots? Well all domiciled English people will be asked to surrender their territories and returned to the People's Republic Of Scotland, The Queen will be forced to give up Holyrood Palace so Alex Salmond can take up his residency. David Bowie will not be allowed to do T-in-the-Park. Instead of rebuilding Hadrian's Wall, John Smeaton will be patrolling the border dressed as Mad Max fed on a diet of a Lidl energy stimulant drink and article clippings from the Daily Mail. Whilst all this is ridiculous and the future is unclear, what will come apparent is that the Union is not a happy marriage or even that there is an equal partnership in place. The idea of Scotland going it's own way has been largely ridiculed by the English media, an article from 'regarded' lefty thinking man's news outlet The Guardian felt this piece was some form of tongue in cheek attempt at having a laugh but was full of condescending descent and belittling that epitomised a lot of the English rhetoric towards the Scots over the years. And yet it is almost a surprise to many that we want to leave.

Although it perhaps cannot be confirmed academically, or via a Yougov poll or some other poll I've never used or heard of but always deemed 'official', Scotland just is different politically and socially minded. Of course I'm well aware that there are large parts of England that are not too different politically and socially minded and it's my suspicion that the other main threat of Scottish independence is that it will probably ignite other regions to pursue a form of federalisation. Whilst the split might happen or not, even if we do leave you, we still will consider you a friend or family and unlike Westminster, we would be more likely to throw you a life-raft than an empty promise. Well, maybe a single arm-band, just for good humour.