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Life is to Short to Be Shy And The Rise of The Nobody

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I understand being shy as a concept, if you're under the age of seven, but as a lifestyle choice, I think it's no longer an option. I don't think in 2013 it's even possible to suffer from shyness.

Surely, the glut of TV talent shows, reality TV and the publics thirst for horror stories like 'Keeping up with the Kardashians', prove that it's a spill out of your bra and then spill your guts world that we live in.

The last people I really remember being described as 'shy' were Princess Diana and Michael Jackson. Doe eyes, milky white skin, the over use of a kohl pencil and a fondness for military style jackets with Dynasty style shoulder pads made them both the embodiment of the perfect pop culture Princess. It was only a penchant for crotch grabbing and baby dangling that sullied Jackson's reputation and the tragic, high speed death of Diana that finally snuffed out our last sniff of her Royal shyness.

Shy Di and baby voiced Jackson seem like an eternity ago. We now have a new generation of blonde's with ambition and the latest incarnation of those who fiddle with their faces can be found on the high street. Star power and the 'IT' factor got watered down and sucked up by anyone with access to a spray tan gun and a Botox needle. Now our only superstars are soap stars and our Princesses are lowly pop stars.

Nobody has to suffer the drudgery of being just a nobody anymore. It's the right time to be a YouTube sensation and the perfect moment to kiss and tell. Sex has never stopped selling and that's why it's a viable option to record it and then flog it, or flog it and then record it. Whatever floats your boat when you're busy getting your rocks off can be used to make you a quick buck. Careers can be built on the back of a tape of you laying flat on your back, and it even works for the boys too. Ray J hitched his wagon on Kim Kardashian and ended up riding on the coat tails of Whitney Houston.

What you do with your privates no longer stays private when there is money to be earned, and a reputation to be gained. The downside of building a career based purely on sex? Eventually the bottom is going to fall out of your business and you'll be left on your knees.

In a buy now and pay later culture children are fair game to be exploited, made up, made over and overfed. The old cliche of the 'showbiz mother' is alive and well and her ambition is growing faster than her child's self esteem ever will. Babies are no longer thrust into the arms of a politician for a photo opportunity, there is a far bigger catch in the fame pool and his name is Simon Cowell. Like Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, Mr Cowell will accept any cash cow (child) thrust into his arms and parade them on a stage for us to vote on how talented we think they are.

'Britain's Got Talent' is like a breeding ground for nervous breakdowns and shattered dreams and even our pets want to get in on the act. Our 'oohs and ahhs' are no longer reserved for someone with five teeth and pigtails, we now save them for puppy dogs in fishtails.
At least a furry thing with four legs will incur a lot less vets bills than a human 'finalist' will in therapy, and the best thing is? A dog can't answer back.

But what becomes of the talent show finalist once the dream is over and the cover versions are dried up? Big Brother will always be watching even after you've turned the public off. The only price you pay for trying to win them back will be by allowing us to watch your every move, witness your every emotion (real or fake) and then show our appreciation by voting you in or throwing you out. Tears will always work, tantrums not so much. A Queen with a flair for drama is a lot more user friendly than someone who's just a drama queen, and a 'fly on the wall' documentary about your relationship / engagement / wedding can be just enough to get you a photo shoot in 'Hello'. Flashing some flesh will always work, as will buying a baby or contracting some awful disease, because death has never been so lucrative. Just make sure you live long enough to enjoy it.

It seems all of us are searching for an audience. If the first thing you reach for in the morning is your phone to check your Facebook page then you're just as much a part of the fame game as a late thirties housewife who used to be a Spice Girl. We all need a little recognition and social media has created a hunger for as many 'Likes' and friend requests as we can muster. I read recently that anyone with other 1000 Facebook friends is borderline narcissistic and most probably very shallow. And there was me thinking they had really met, touched or slept with those people?
Luckily, I'm only half way to narcissism and I'm still splashing around in the deep end.

Our celebrity-obsessed culture has left too many people obsessed with becoming a celebrity. Why finish school when there's an audition to be attended? 'A Levels' and Degrees are no match for high kicks and low life's.

So you think you can dance? Sing? Be a top model or even stalk a celebrity? The fame game is now being played on an open playing field and you can bring whatever talents you have or even think you have and give it a go. You can wear what you like, say what you like, do what you like and then post your photographs on twitter. You can even become an Internet 'troll' and become a celebrity. You've gained 5000 followers at the same time as a criminal record but at least people know who you are.

So you see, there really is no time for shyness, for being coy or not chasing after your dreams. We can all build ourselves an audience, flirt with fame and try to achieve some form of recognition.

And if all else fails, there's only one thing for it.

I suggest you start writing a blog.

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