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Dawn O'Porter

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Women Like Me are not Like Women Like You, Does That Have to Make us Enemies?

Posted: 11/08/2011 01:00

I was recently subject to a bit of criticism over some of the documentaries I have made. I won't name the journalist as she got quite a battering on Twitter and I think that's quite enough. But sometimes things get said that take things further than a bad review, and on those occasions I like to respond. This is one of those occasions. Amongst her low blows she accused me of making a mockery of feminism, and on this I feel I need to say my bit.

The journalist's main beef was with a film I made called 'Dawn Gets Naked', where I challenged the media's idea of perfection and the pressure that it puts on women. This involved many things, but most memorably for her was the ending where me and about thirty other women jollied around London on an open top bus with no clothes on. She didn't like this, she didn't like it one bit. She drew the conclusion that I presumed that feminism is just about getting your tits out.

But I don't think that is all it is about, I really don't.

I am a feminist, a dedicated one at that. I guess I have been all my life but I have only really used the phrase 'I am a feminist' for about four years. Like most of us, I am proud to be a feminist for all sorts of reasons, so was disgruntled by her presumption that I felt I had nailed it just by wobbling my jubblies at the Houses of Parliament - which I have to admit, was oddly thrilling.

In the instance of Dawn Gets Naked, I was actually thinking a lot more one-dimensionally about the matter in hand. I didn't use the word feminism once in the film and that was very deliberate. I didn't want it to sound like I thought I was combating such a massive subject, I just wanted the women watching to feel better about themselves and for the industry to take note. I also wanted to have a laugh about a subject that really messes with people's heads. I wanted to trivialize perfection, and make body image fun again, taking the focus off the idea that we all have to look like supermodels to feel attractive.

In that particular film I wasn't tackling the broad subject of feminism. I wasn't tackling sexism, or the gender gap, or the sex industry. I was tackling the pressure put upon women by a totally contrived industry that tells us we should have perfect skin, no cellulite, straight noses and buoyant tits. The film talks very directly about this subject. It questions why this pressure is upon us, realizes why it is ridiculous and then pulls a mooner at it and tells it to piss off.

When I started doing what I do I didn't feel there was anyone out there representing me, so I thought I would just do it myself. I feel that I represent the view point of a lot of women my age. I feel I can say this without sounding arrogant because of the hundreds and thousands of emails, tweets and letters I have received from people thanking me for highlighting the subjects I have in my films. I never presumed I would appeal to everyone, but was pleasantly surprised to know that I wasn't alone. And that is the main focus of the films, to promote a camaraderie, a 'ME TOO' attitude. I think the word 'empowerment' is overused and has now lost its pelt, but I like to think I made some big subjects that affect a lot of women a little less awkward to talk about.

I am obviously not, and will never pretend to be an academic textbook feminist. I don't get upset when women who want to get laid post pictures of their labia on websites for all the world to see, if that is what they want to do. I have no problem with women being promiscuous if they genuinely say it makes them happy, and I enjoy good pornography. In other anti textbook feminist form I don't ever want a big hairy fanny. Right now I have my pubic hair fashioned into a perfect triangle that I adore, and I also get my bumhole waxed to keep it looking nice. Well as nice as it can look, it is what it is. On top of this I have my best nights out when I wear my 6 inch black leather thigh-high boots that make me feel like the Queen of Filth, and I sometimes get a real kick out of dressing up with the sole purpose of looking 'fuckable'. A huge majority of the women I know are like this, I don't feel I am out on a limb here and am pretty certain I am in good company. To those who don't feel this way it is as simple as this, women like me are not like women like you, does that have to make us enemies?

I wish judgmental women would stop telling other women off. It doesn't do anyone any good. Stop moaning and using the word 'feminism' as a way to undermine women who are not like you - lighten up. I don't mean write books about your sexual escapades (I did that), or experiment with lesbianism (I did that too), or flash your tits at the Houses of Parliament (whoops, that'll be a hat trick), as those were my choices and they don't have to be yours. But stop trying to push your often-outdated views onto me and all the other women like me. The focus should be more on the women who really have a problem - the ones who are victims of extreme self-loathing because of the media, the ones who are subject to aggressive sexism. It is the catalysts to those problems you should be telling off. Someone like me taking my clothes off to make women have a laugh about wobbly bits isn't a problem, why waste your breath making it one?

I don't think all women should get along, and I have no problem with women slagging each other off - I am no angel, I do it all the time. But I do think that as feminism is having a golden moment and there is a chance it might really go somewhere this time, women who want to attack others should pick their arguments more carefully. After all, different ways of going about it or not, most of us are aiming for the same thing. A woman can now smash another to the ground by suggesting she is not a feminist, the word is being used like a weapon. Some female journalists are creating more of an issue than they think by bringing old school values into a modern world and applying them to everyone, and I think that is dangerous and totally unprogressive. It's time to stop telling other women off and to stop judging them. And when it comes to me personally hear this, you don't have to like me but if you are going to slam me down why use the word feminism to do it? I think you would be in the minority to suggest that I am being harmful to women in any capacity. And anyway, it's really boring.

I grew up wanting to be Madonna, nuff said!

 

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09:46 AM on 08/25/2011
"I have no problem with women being promiscuous if they genuinely say it makes them happy, and I enjoy good pornography. In other anti textbook feminist form I don't ever want a big hairy fanny. Right now I have my pubic hair fashioned into a perfect triangle that I adore, and I also get my bumhole waxed to keep it looking nice. Well as nice as it can look, it is what it is."

ha! Brilliant. Fully agree with the whole article - well expressed Dawn. I'm left wondering if the journo in question was polly vernon...!
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Dawn Porter
04:01 AM on 09/26/2011
NO, it wasn't and I like Polly lots x x
09:37 PM on 09/30/2011
ok. I don't mind who you like. That's cool. My issue with polly vernon is comments she has made about env/dev issues which I think are way off base and, frankly, a bit ignorant (I work in this area, have a PhD in it).

But, you like her lots - I get it ;)

Thought your article was very funny!
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Clare Macnaughton
11:41 PM on 08/24/2011
Re: Film - I call it Aphrodite Culture - women are not allowed to get fat, ugly or old and be successful.

I agree with you it's a shame because all of this in-fighting distracts women away from helping each other achieve emancipation. Maybe we should introduce some female tolerance and solidarity. Imagine a world where every women pledged not to have an affair with a married man to create a sense of solidarity. I wish women would work smarter because whilst we bicker amongst ourselves and snipe at each other we prevent much needed change.

Of course, not everyone wants freedom because it's frightening and they don't know how to handle it so there could be backlash if women are liberated. #Just saying :)
11:36 AM on 08/20/2011
Its a shame how critical we all seem to be these days, towards our families, friends and even, ourselves.

What if individuality was cherished; and everyone felt free to just 'be' however they believe most lives up to their true and innermost selves?

Wouldn't that be something.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Circe
09:19 PM on 08/15/2011
Dear heart,

Stop apologizing to the ignorant. It is demeaning.

Stop explaining your film. Haven't seen it (yet) but if it's good, the message will come across to the intelligent among us. It undermines your principles.


Agree with you here:

" But I do think that as feminism is having a golden moment and there is a chance it might really go somewhere this time, women who want to attack others should pick their arguments more carefully."

Especially in the face of the rise of emancipated Islamic women. Is there one true feminism? Wouldn't we achieve more by seeking common ground rather than slagging each other off?

Fuck-me boots are the bomb. I have several pair. I'm also the chairman of a women's center for emancipation, education and development. They give me an edge (and height) at meetings. You wax your bum, that's your business, nothing to do with subjugation if you do it for "you". Your partner requests a you get a bum wax, then you're into a gray area, but that's for you and your partner to negotiate.What we need here is a new definition of what "emancipation" means in this century.
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Dawn Porter
09:21 AM on 08/16/2011
Agreed! x
04:51 PM on 08/11/2011
Should
i get my bumhole waxed? Who actually looks at ones own pucker?
01:32 PM on 08/12/2011
yes you should if you want your boyfriend to put his tongue there....

Or is it just me who has that down as a prerequisite?
09:48 AM on 08/25/2011
ha! lol
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Peter Blair
04:42 PM on 08/11/2011
This will probably come across as hugely naïve, but as a bloke I'm kind of just looking forward to the day when women can just be themselves and get on with their job without having to worry about how they're being perceived. Since the sexual revolution it still seems as if women have had to be shoved into one of two categories - meek and womanly, or authoritative sexless bitch. The luxury that us men have is that we can be careerist jerks one minute, and polite gentlemen the next.

Hopefully some day we'll be able to credit women with the ability to have multiple personality traits and stop wasting time trying to define them. Maybe then we can go back to hiring people on merit instead of trying to redress the sex/gender/age balance based on stereotypical perceptions. As a coda - journalists should be able to tackle their subject however they choose. I believe there's just about enough room for both Michael Moore and Jeremy Paxman.
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Andrea Mann
Comedy writer
10:13 AM on 08/12/2011
As a woman, I'm looking forward to that day, too! It's exactly what I wrote about in this post: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/andrea-mann/sisters-are-doing-it-them_1_b_895382.html (as well as Beyonce's right to wear hotpants - which is akin to Dawn's argument about her right to do/wear/wax whatever she pleases. The idea that one can't be a 'strong'/smart/feminist woman whilst also wanting to be glamorous irks me hugely).
09:49 AM on 08/25/2011
Yes, I agree.
02:59 PM on 08/11/2011
Big paradox here: why would you make a film against the terrifying norms dictating us to look beautiful and "challenge the media's idea of perfection and the pressure that it puts on women" while in your personal life you actually put those norms into reality by waxing your bumhole and be proud of your "perfect triangle" ? I guess that's the use of reading more academic stuff, to learn to make sense.
10:00 AM on 08/25/2011
No, they are two very different things in my opinion. Not every aspect of how people want to look - esp at a very discrete level - is down to the media. And, in any case, the media is us - it is essentially a snapshot of current social norms and preferences. When this impacts issues such as self esteem (via airbrushing, models etc) then yes, attention must and should be paid. However, wanting to look a certain way (say waxing) is not just about how the media may portray it, it's also at a very fundamental level about how we want to look in terms of what feels better/sexy/normal/natural (take your pick) for us.

It's natural, indeed, I would say a biological necessity - for both men and women - to want to look healthy and attractive. I'm an academic (not for women's studies, although did my undergrad thesis on the beauty myth years ago!) and of course the aim should be for people to respect and like each other for who they are, but to assume that all individual choices about looks are due to outside societal pressure, I think takes away from the individual right to choice - including the choice to wax, be sexy, be flirtatious etc.
10:27 PM on 08/25/2011
"The media is us", yes and I'm part of it since I'm a journalist. There's no such thing as a right to be sexy. A woman doesn't have to be, nor a man. It's total brainwash and you're a good example. I've spent hours learning how to play the guitar, to skate board and do fun stuff, I'm convinced this is how one should spend his/her time in order to get talented and self confident. And it's not denying you're a woman, men loves women like this, I can tell you ! But good luck to the ones who bet one their look !
01:15 PM on 08/11/2011
Well done :) I've actually just finished reading your book "about your sexual escapades" and am so sick of women telling me I'm turning my back on the feminist movement simply because I blog about serial dating... now I will refer them here :)
09:51 AM on 08/11/2011
I am obviously not, and will never pretend to be an academic textbook feminist.
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Please do not fret on that account for we shall never mistake you for one.
10:04 AM on 08/11/2011
Why should feminism be confined to academia? Surely a more holistic perspective is better than a "behind the desk" attitude?
11:19 AM on 08/11/2011
I agree. The expression ''textbook feminist'' is as tabloid as it gets..
03:19 AM on 08/11/2011
Can I say something REALLY offensive?

You have equal rights. Now get over yourselves.

Feminism is really now just about narcissism: debating the finer points of Brazilian waxing, SlutWalk exhibitionism for Facebook photos, or academic navel-gazing about one's unused ovaries.
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Dawn Porter
09:04 AM on 08/11/2011
Nice x
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Isobel Quinn
and the word of the day is: schadenfreude
12:20 PM on 08/11/2011
fanned
12:53 AM on 08/11/2011
Whether I'm a woman or not, I'm afraid I'm not interested in whether you have you "bumhole" waxed.
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Sam Butler
01:04 AM on 08/11/2011
Yet curiously, were bothered enough to comment. An attack of cognitive dissonance perhaps?
10:34 AM on 08/11/2011
No. the point is that it's nothing to do with women hating other women, it's to do with the fact many are simply not interested in these pieces of information.
10:08 AM on 08/25/2011
I loved the article by Dawn, but who says people can't have their own opinion on it? What possible issue is it to you, that some other poster (xxxx) here has a point of their own to make? The whole point of the article really is that women should be able to engage with differences of opinion.

I would also say that bothing to comment on something one Doesn't agree with is more important than simply saying one likes it (as I did). Dialogue is formed through the process of discussion and debate - not really possible if people are only allowed to like a post. Perhaps you might be more comfortable living in an autocratic state rather than one which is a democracy.

Moreover "Yet curiously, were bothered enough to comment. An attack of cognitive dissonance perhaps?" - you might want to read that in view of your own response.