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Debs Wild

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Is Karma a Chameleon?

Posted: 02/08/2012 00:00

The amount of times that people try and placate me by saying "karma will get them in the end" is endless. I am still waiting for a very long list of wrongdoers to get theirs in bucketloads but as far as I can tell, they're all doing pretty well all things considered. There's been nothing notable to make me nod in satisfaction that karma did indeed keep its promise.

Let's take matters of the heart for example. I know there are people who stay together and never stray but the fact is people are attracted to other people. They may not act on it but essentially we're made in such a way that the allure of sexual attraction can sometimes be too much to resist.

There will be many who think that Anthea Turner probably deserves being cheated on given she allegedly started up an affair with the then married Grant Bovey. It takes two. People cheat all the time. Some get found out. Some don't.

The public are keen to take sides and to point the finger of blame but let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I will hold my hands up here and admit that I cheated on one boyfriend many times and many years ago. I was young but that's no excuse. I liked the attention and lustful trysts but I hated the danger; it wasn't exciting at all, it was stressful. I had to remember lies and sometimes involved other people in them.

It was only when I fell in love with one of the guys that I realised I was making a huge mess. I never wanted to leave to start up new relationships. Why? I always thought if we had started as cheaters there would never be trust between us.

When one in particular fell in love with me I finally realised I couldn't continue to do that to people or to myself.

My self-loathing lasted a lot longer than the affairs.

They say a leopard never changes its spots and once a cheater always a cheater (I wanted to spell that cheetah after talk of leopards).
I disagree.

I learned a lesson and I made a decision; I did not want to cheat again and never have. Needless to say, that relationship didn't work out. I left and gave no good reason. I could have made it easier for him by confessing but I didn't. I kid myself it was to protect him from turning into a woman hater.

The pain I caused myself was far worse than any I would have caused my ex - had he found out.

I don't believe that I was being punished for my previous crimes when over a decade and a half later I was cheated on.

I'm not a celebrity so I didn't live my break-up in the public eye. In a way I wish I was because the press would have uncovered the betrayals that I didn't and saved me the humiliation of being taken for an absolute mug when my ex lied, cheated and finally traded me in for a girl 18 years my junior. I may even have gained an army of supporters and sympathy, not that I wanted that. All I wanted was the truth but it never came. He left and gave no good reason, yet he had one.

Having an affair is just sex but falling in love is something quite different. That's also his good reason. You can't help who you fall in love with but you probably can help whom you hurt along the way.

I don't hate my ex for leaving me; I hate his cowardice for not telling me why. I guess the ex I cheated on would say the same.

Ah, it seems what goes around does come around. Come in and sit down karma, I've been expecting you.

Disclaimer: This piece is based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters - including myself - may be entirely fictitious.

 

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The amount of times that people try and placate me by saying "karma will get them in the end" is endless. I am still waiting for a very long list of wrongdoers to get theirs in bucketloads but as far ...
The amount of times that people try and placate me by saying "karma will get them in the end" is endless. I am still waiting for a very long list of wrongdoers to get theirs in bucketloads but as far ...
 
 
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06:41 AM on 08/06/2012
No wonder you don't have many respondents when you pick and chose on none democrtic principles.No point doing a blog and as a consequence, no point wasting my time contributing.
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Debs Wild
09:35 AM on 08/06/2012
????
Pick & choose? Non-democratic principles? You've lost me... I assure you I am not picking and choosing.
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10:14 AM on 08/06/2012
Hi, Deb’s.

 I posted an inoffensive
post around 20:00 yesterday evening. It was somewhat a critique of “karma” and
I was somewhat miffed given the thrust of your article that it was hypocritical
not to include that in comments as your article was on being open and such but,
I’m assuming it wasn’t yourself that binned it.

 No harm done, only a
dented male ego, perhaps. :O)

 Many thanks for your
reply, Debbie. Regards, peter.
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rg9rts
Carpe Diem! This aint rehearsal
10:41 AM on 08/05/2012
Judging by your disclaimer I'm not surprised you have trouble with relationships. TRUST is the bedrock of a solid relationship. By your own admission you are not very trustworthy, The change must come from within yourself and please try to discern the difference between lust and love, which starts small and grows with time and nurturing. Honesty wouldn't be bad either, from the beginning. ~~(^..^)
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Debs Wild
11:56 PM on 08/05/2012
The disclaimer is at the bottom of all my posts - it's a joke.
I'm sorry it seems you may have misunderstood what I wrote but this happened 20 years ago and as I said, I kept my word to myself; I am a very loyal & faithful person.
I did write about the difference between love & lust.
I didn't admit to not being trustworthy.
For the record, I'm the most honest person I know.
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vividrick
I came, I saw...I had a cup of tea!
03:03 PM on 08/02/2012
Just desserts, hard to swallow.
12:29 AM on 08/02/2012
You still have not grasped the concept, its not a single lifetime rather a series of lifetimes, give it a while maybe it will turnout the way you think it should.
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mizzjohnson
I resemble that remark!
11:52 PM on 08/01/2012
It happens to the best of us ... on both counts, and I'm a firm believer that Karma pays her visits on the upside and downside.
11:27 PM on 08/01/2012
Great article. I cheated years ago but didn't tell my boyfriend of the time. I know it would've hurt and it didn't matter to confess because since I cheated the relationship wasn't going to work out and needed to be more careful with the guys I date. I'm still friends with him but i wasn't sexually attracted to him and I haven't made that mistake again. I know people who've left relationships because they truly fell in love with someone else, usually they feel guilty are not always affected by karma. A good friend of mine did that, his wife cheated on him and did a lot of pretty scandalous things throughout their relationship, he stayed for the kids but he ended up meeting someone and falling in love. I don't think he physically cheated but he finally left after his oldest children graduated. I hope his new wife won't cheat on him but he's happier now than he's ever been.
07:46 AM on 08/05/2012
May I ask a couple of questions, please?

If your ex-boyfriend found out now that you had cheated, would he remain friends with you?

And if you haven't told him, is it really because you are sparing his feelings, or is it because you are sparing your own, given his possible reaction to the knowledge?
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Debs Wild
10:30 AM on 08/05/2012
I can't answer for my ex - I'm guessing "no" - but I didn't want to remain friends with him.
I feel I answered the second part in the article.
Don't worry, a year later he hastily left the country with his girlfriend (now wife) and his family. Our house was repossessed and I got lumbered with the fall-out from that so I think he did ok.
12:11 PM on 08/05/2012
I'm not sure how he would react. I personally think some things don't need to be said. If i were to tell now, it would be to clear my conscience but somethings are better kept to oneself. It happened over 10 years ago. We barely kissed and never had sex, so i think its pretty irrelevant. I personally don't think it was technically cheating but some people would think so. Howwver, he would gladly date me again.