The amount of times that people try and placate me by saying "karma will get them in the end" is endless. I am still waiting for a very long list of wrongdoers to get theirs in bucketloads but as far as I can tell, they're all doing pretty well all things considered. There's been nothing notable to make me nod in satisfaction that karma did indeed keep its promise.
Let's take matters of the heart for example. I know there are people who stay together and never stray but the fact is people are attracted to other people. They may not act on it but essentially we're made in such a way that the allure of sexual attraction can sometimes be too much to resist.
There will be many who think that Anthea Turner probably deserves being cheated on given she allegedly started up an affair with the then married Grant Bovey. It takes two. People cheat all the time. Some get found out. Some don't.
The public are keen to take sides and to point the finger of blame but let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I will hold my hands up here and admit that I cheated on one boyfriend many times and many years ago. I was young but that's no excuse. I liked the attention and lustful trysts but I hated the danger; it wasn't exciting at all, it was stressful. I had to remember lies and sometimes involved other people in them.
It was only when I fell in love with one of the guys that I realised I was making a huge mess. I never wanted to leave to start up new relationships. Why? I always thought if we had started as cheaters there would never be trust between us.
When one in particular fell in love with me I finally realised I couldn't continue to do that to people or to myself.
My self-loathing lasted a lot longer than the affairs.
They say a leopard never changes its spots and once a cheater always a cheater (I wanted to spell that cheetah after talk of leopards).
I learned a lesson and I made a decision; I did not want to cheat again and never have. Needless to say, that relationship didn't work out. I left and gave no good reason. I could have made it easier for him by confessing but I didn't. I kid myself it was to protect him from turning into a woman hater.
The pain I caused myself was far worse than any I would have caused my ex - had he found out.
I don't believe that I was being punished for my previous crimes when over a decade and a half later I was cheated on.
I'm not a celebrity so I didn't live my break-up in the public eye. In a way I wish I was because the press would have uncovered the betrayals that I didn't and saved me the humiliation of being taken for an absolute mug when my ex lied, cheated and finally traded me in for a girl 18 years my junior. I may even have gained an army of supporters and sympathy, not that I wanted that. All I wanted was the truth but it never came. He left and gave no good reason, yet he had one.
Having an affair is just sex but falling in love is something quite different. That's also his good reason. You can't help who you fall in love with but you probably can help whom you hurt along the way.
I don't hate my ex for leaving me; I hate his cowardice for not telling me why. I guess the ex I cheated on would say the same.
Ah, it seems what goes around does come around. Come in and sit down karma, I've been expecting you.
Disclaimer: This piece is based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters - including myself - may be entirely fictitious.
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