STYLE

ASOS Customer Complains Using Lyrics From Eminem's 'Stan', Retailer Keeps It Classy By Rapping Back

'I sent you my exchange but still it ain’t returning'.

28/07/2016 09:37

An ASOS shopper has started what could possibly be the best customer service dialogue on the internet right now.

Jay Whalley‎, from Preston, posted on the brand’s Facebook wall after having a problem exchanging an order - but instead of just posting a simple complaint, he worded it using lyrics from Eminem’s hit single ‘Stan’.

Read Whalley’s message in full below:

“Dear Asos,
I sent you my exchange but still it ain’t returning
I left my size, product code and order number at the bottom
I sent a FCUK blazer back in July, you must not-a got ‘em
There probably was a problem at the DPD office or somethin’
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot ‘em
But anyways, fuck it, what’s been up? Man how’s your marketplace?
My wardrobe’s looking bare too, I’m need to get my blazer
If I finally receive my blazer, guess what I’m a call her?
I’m a name her Bonnie
I read about your website crash too I’m sorry
I had a friend who went Topman because he thought Asos didn’t want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I’m your biggest fan
I even got the asos original shit that you did back in Jan
I got a wardrobe full of your clothes and your shoes man
I like the shit you did with Premier too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Jay”.

Shady Records

Hilariously, ASOS customer service representative Rihanna (who deserves a promotion fyi) responded to its “biggest fan” with an equally amazing rap-themed reply.

Her full message reads:

“Yo’ Jay, what’s happenin?

Soz to hear you haven’t received your return,
Hope it’s not not giving you heartburn,
If you pop us a PM,
We’ll get to the bottom of this mayhem,
Include your order number, date of birth and email address,

We’ll get this sorted, no stress. Bless

Yeah marketplace is going smooth,
Hope you’re enjoying our fire in the booth,
Hope Charlie Sloth promotes this,
That would be pure bliss,
Our site is back up n’ running,
Was more anticipated than Jesus’ second coming,

Look forward to hearing from you soon Jay
You’ll always be our number 1 Bae

Peace out, ASOS Rianna”.

Some ASOS followers are praising the retailer’s reply, with one user claiming it’s “simply the greatest thing I’ve possibly ever read”.

But others are berating the brand for not using Eminem’s reply verse from ‘Stan’ as the inspiration for the response.

“9/10 for effort. 2/10 for execution. Must try harder Rianna,” one commenter wrote.

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