Dry January is here, bringing with it all of the people who want to see your teetotal ways crumble.
If you’ve already been asked ‘why aren’t you drinking?’ more times than you can shake a (cocktail) stick at, listen up.
Here are a selection of hypothetical responses to the boozy bunch who want nothing more than to knock you off the bandwagon.
1. Insult them.
‘Why are you such a d*ck?’
2. Get cocky.
‘I’m so damn fun I don’t need alcohol.’
3. Give them a genuine reason (but only if you like them).
‘I always told myself it would be easy, so I’m seeing if I can actually do it.’
4. Make them feel silly for asking.
5. Change the subject.
‘I bought some new yoga pants.’
6. Make them pity you.
‘I’m poor. I spend too much money on alcohol. Stop bothering me.’
7. Make them wish they’d never asked.
‘Did you know that alcoholism shortens your lifespan by nearly a decade?’ *Proceeds to ramble about alcohol-related health facts for five hours*
8. Reverse psychology that shit.
‘Why are you drinking? Huh?’