The turkey is gone, the tree has come down, and your alarm is set for 6.45am.
It feels like you were only there yesterday, but now your boss is expecting you back at your desk looking bright eyed and bushy tailed. Shame we’re all still hungover from New Year’s Eve.
Here are 14 things we’ll all be doing this week.
1. Worry that you’ve forgotten what your job is.
Just, give me a minute.
2. Realise the IT guy has reset all your passwords.
Locked out of your computer ‘til lunch time.
3. Say “fine” whenever anyone asks how your New Year was.
It was shit, the same as yours.
4. Complain about how hard it was to get up for work.
Just so tired.
5. Try to work out who has stolen your chair.
Every. Bloody. Time.
6. Keep writing 2016 on everything.
‘My brain is just not working today.’
7. Pretend to read the 3,746 emails in your inbox.
8. Despise all your colleagues who had the foresight to book more time off.
We don’t want to ever see your face round here again.
9. Avoid that person you took home after the Christmas party.
Everything seems like a good idea in December.
10. Contemplate all the admin you put off doing before.
11. Clear away all the Christmas debris on your desk.
The cards, fairy lights, tinsel, and that half-eaten mince pie.
12. Throw away all your dead pot plants.
Who knew two weeks of central heating could do so much damage?
13. Bring salad for lunch.
Because we are poor and fat.
14. Browse the internet looking for cheap flights and holidays.
We’re not ready to be back here.