PARENTS

Mum Wants David Attenborough To Be Her Birthing Partner, And We Can't Believe We Didn't Think Of This Before

We wouldn't even mind feeling like a hippo.

15/11/2017 13:38 GMT | Updated 16/11/2017 10:09 GMT

Clearly inspired by the return of Blue Planet II to our TV screens, one expectant mother has decided that she wants David Attenborough to be her birthing partner.

The mum on Mumsnet says that her husband can still be present in the room, but she wants the veteran TV presenter to take the lead while she is in labour. 

And we are fully in support of this idea.

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The mother-to-be said: “I just think nothing could go wrong if Sir D was in there. I would just be sooooo calm.”

She also wanted to know how much other mums thought the 91-year-old, who has two adult children of his own, would charge for such a service.  

Other parents were quick to reply, agreeing that Attenborough would be a great person to have on standby, especially because he could narrate the whole thing.

One described the potential script: “Although the mother appears distressed, the shout to the dominant male of ‘if you say relax one more time I’ll break your fucking neck’ is purely a show of her affection.” 

Attenborough could even refer to some of his most famous quotes, including: “The world is full of wonders, but they become more wonderful, not less wonderful when science looks at them.”

Now tell us that wouldn’t make you feel better when you’re experiencing the miracle of childbirth?

However, one mum did mention the perils of having him at the wrong end of the bed: “He may inadvertently end up getting a thump and that would be terrible.”

At least he’d be well prepared for any surprise flying objects.

We might have to remind him not to talk about how much he hates humans though (especially new ones). 

Afterall he is renowned for saying: “We [humans] are a plague on the earth. Either we limit our population growth or the natural world will do it for us.”

Hmmm.

At least we’d never have to worry about his enthusiasm and ability to get stuck in to the situation when necessary.

Although there are a few practicalities to consider: “I’m not sure you’d really want your delivery broadcast on BBC, especially in HD,” said another mum.

Maybe we’ll stick to our first choice of birth partners.