The world has officially reached peak avocado, which is all well and good if you love the bloody things.
But for those of us who recognise them for the green balls of slime that they are, we’re sinking in a guacamole-filled-pit.
1. They are so sassy and demanding.
They require you to eat them in an imperceptible two-minute window of perfect ripeness. You deserve better.
2. It looks like slime, it tastes like slime.
You can add all the lemon and pepper you want.
3. They cost a small fortune.
And stop paying £2 for extra guacamole you fools.
4. They are brainwashing everyone into believing in their nasty ways.
A few years ago no one even ate the damn things.
5. We can’t enjoy brunch in peace.
If it was meant for toast, God wouldn't have invented Nutella.
6. Even chocolate mousse isn’t safe.
Won’t somebody think of the children.
7. Our Instagram game is suffering.
People won’t give our poached egg snaps a chance.
8. They are just bloody everywhere.
In our homes, in our supermarkets, on our stationary. JUST LEAVE US ALONE.