Where Has The Time Gone?

18/09/2017 16:55 BST | Updated 18/09/2017 16:55 BST
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child cute little girl and mother holding hand together with love in vintage color filter

OK, so the title is a little cliche but in all honesty I have repeated it countless times over the last two weeks.

My oldest baby has recently started school, leaving me in a constant state of nostalgia.

Thankfully she has taken the transition to full time school remarkably well - even if she turns into an emotionally unstable teenager at around 5 o'clock everyday because she just can't cope with life. I also get accused of never letting her sleep - to which my response is "yes I bloody well do, you're just suddenly dying of dehydration and want to know where babies come from at the exact time every single evening".

Despite the moans and groans (from both of us) it's all going very well.

However, no one has ever told me about the transition parents go through when their children start school. Suddenly our lives revolve around school runs and home learning journals. I am often kept awake wondering if it'll be warm enough for socks in the morning or whether I should just stick to tights.

Then there is the realisation that the precious little bundle, you have been responsible for and spent every hour of the day with for the last four or five years is now in someone else's hands.

They will be shaped by the experiences in that first year of school and it's all out of your control.

I am excited for her, excited for all that she will learn, all that she will experience and the friendships that she will make.

I am also sad not to be making her usual cheese on toast for lunch every day, sad to not be able to pop to the park for the afternoon when it's quiet and have a picnic with her and that my time with her is now limited during the week and for the most part consists of meltdowns (I'm hoping this will pass).

Thankfully I still have a two year old tearing around the house everyday, just to make sure I don't get too complacent!

I am grateful to be able to spend alone time with him. Something that I haven't been able to do with having them both so close in age.

Had I known that I would be likely to only have two children, I probably would have spaced them out a bit more and savored our time together.

The last (almost) five years have felt like a whirlwind. I feel like I should have enjoyed every moment with my children (I know how utterly ridiculous that notion is). I can't undo the bad times, I can't turn back the clock to the days where it all went to pot and change it.

And really, would I do that even if I could? It's all part of the journey that resulted in the child I have today.

People say hindsight is a wonderful thing, I'm starting to wonder if it's really just here to torture us!

Life after being a stay at home mum is in the near future and although I have times when I wish I could have a child free day; I'm not ready for them all to come at once.

I am now a mum with a child at school. I have made it through the first chapter of parenthood and successfully raised a reasonably well behaved child, who is kind and caring but a little socially awkward. I am well aware that my work is by no means done, I still have many new chapters ahead but for now I am a little sad to close the door on this one.