In most (and I say most emphatically) relationships, women do the majority of the talking when it comes to emotions and feelings. I used to joke that in my next life I'm coming back as a man. Now I'm not so sure how much I really want this!
I speak to you as a communicator. By this I mean that I share my thoughts and how I feel with those close to me. Doing so has helped me get through the past six years. In short this has been a combination of procedures, blood tests, scans, one ICSI, three IVF cycles, a miscarriage and using a gestational surrogate, the outcome of which was twins. Yes, that is in short!
By no means did talking solve any of my problems, but it certainly helped me to share the enormity of the situation. And so, I dedicate this blog to men. Women reading this, share it with your husbands and boyfriends. Ask them to take a few minutes to read it. Then challenge them to talk, or chat, converse or discuss. Even if they end up ranting, even arguing with you. At least the outcome for you will be a better understanding of how they are feeling.
Being a woman is no easy task. The cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing, the list is endless. But women get together and women talk. I'm fully aware I'm overgeneralising but they definitely do so more than men. There is a stigma attached to men getting in touch with their feelings. Especially when they then share them with others. I want to know why?
Do they think it makes them less of a man to talk? I want to present to you the argument that it makes them MORE of a man to share their feelings. To express them and be in touch with them.
Allow me to relate my thoughts to something in particular. That is, infertility. Speaking from my own personal experiences, although it's not easy talking about this subject as it's a very sensitive one, it helps to talk to others who have or are going through similar. I'm calling on all men to talk. Talk and share your experiences and feelings with others. Men, women or both. Some men do, yes, but not enough.
My fertility issues are related to secondary infertility. It is more common than I realised. There are many people out there struggling to deal with it who are feeling alone, confused, anxious and much more. I'm calling on all men out there who are going through this. Men who are keeping all these emotions inside. Please talk. If you do, others will too. Of course I want women to do the same. There are plenty women too who are battling with their emotions who have not voiced this either. They too must try to express their feelings. But my focus in this article is men.
It can also, dare I say, be quite frustrating for the woman in the relationship to do all the talking. Yes, it's our bodies going through most of the testing, poking and prodding, but it takes two to make a baby. Men aren't just there to provide the goods! As a woman, I need my other half to talk to me, communicate his feelings to me. Relationships are two way, just like traffic! You can't expect one side to go and the other to stand still.
So men, don't stand still. I'm calling on you to become communicators. It's not easy, but it's one of those things that becomes easier the more you do it. Infertility issues cause great strain upon relationships. If feelings aren't expressed and shared, it's understandable how relationships can break down, how the bond that was once there can become tenuous. It really is good to talk.Suggest a correction