THE BLOG

Being Fearful By Conditioning

16/07/2014 12:50 BST | Updated 14/09/2014 10:59 BST

We all have fears. Some of them are passed down from our parents, and some we learn for ourselves. Parents can condition us unwittingly and unintentionally. We all learn by example.

If we really examine our fears about something, we can notice that the fear we have is not based on our own experience at all. We can trace that fear back to its source. We may find that one of our parents handed it down to us. For example, your mother or father may have had an intense fear of lack of money, stemming from their own life experiences. If that fear was not resolved by the time you came into the picture, chances are you inherited it. Meanwhile, you may have no actual experience of lacking money, so being fearful doesn't make sense, and it may even block you from doing certain things you want to do.

Of course your parents were only trying to protect you, and that most of the errors in judgment they made were made with the best intentions. Now may be the time to release this fear symbolically.

Obviously you cannot resolve someone else's fear for them, but you can decide to let go of it on your own behalf. Whether your parents are still alive or not, I believe it is best to do this in a symbolic way, using visualisation. One simple visualisation I use, is to imagine you are sitting in a huge comfy chair, and in front of you is a blank wall. On that wall you will write the name of the fear in great big letters. Now, as you think about releasing this fear, and how you will feel after it has been released, begin to wipe away each letter of the fear one by one. As you do that and simultaneously think about releasing the fear, that fear is dissolved, for good. Then you can sit back in your comfy chair and be free of that fear.

The more we do this deep inner work with our fears, the better we will be able to parent our own children without burdening them with fears that don't belong to them. Some of us will do as much of this work as we can before we become parents, while others will be working on this even as our children become adults. Some of us will not begin this work until they retire. Whenever we undertake it, the effects will be felt, because once we break our ties to the fears of the past, our children's ties to those fears are greatly weakened, so it's important to remember that it's never too late.

Allowing yourself to release your fears is one step in the right direction to lessening the burden on yourself, and will help you to live a more balanced life. Ask yourself this - Why am I living a life with fears that take up so much of my energy? Why don't I release some of these fears so that I can begin to live my life in my own way?

Notice how good you feel after you have released some of those inherited fears.