THE BLOG

Why He Really Didn't Call You Back After Sex

26/03/2014 11:54 GMT | Updated 25/05/2014 10:59 BST

Are you sure you want to hear this?

Note: Remember this is for discussion purposes only, not to judge either men or women for their actions. Every individual is responsible for their own behaviour....

But let's face it, if he said he was going to the shop and never came back, you may have got 'beated and deleted'.

Not nice to hear, but there it is!

Could that perfectly timed phone call REALLY have been that 'important'? There's many more controversial/offensive ways to describe him emptying his sack quicker than Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, but they all mean the same thing. However, putting a nice spin on things doesn't hide the adult truth.

In less than 140 characters, Twitter often paints the narrative in stark clarity as the tweet below illustrates. Some, (horrified by the graphic content or lack of self-esteem of the tweeter), cower in embarrassment at airing such private laundry while others electronically 'high-five' her boldness with a deluge of favourites and retweets. But, whatever your perspective, she raises a pertinent question.

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How many women have been on the end of such disrespectful treatment? It could be years later but the blood still boils at the sight of that b*stard! You could be happily involved with another person. However, just a name drop or chance meeting has you seeing more red than a surgeon's scalpel.

The f*cker!

Crude language I know, but it's exactly the emotional response this behaviour evokes, even in the most elegant of women. However, it still burns like open wounds in salt water if you bury your head in the sand. So, evolutionary psychologists Buss and Schmitt make a suggestion as to why it actually happens.

SPOILER ALERT: if you take things personally or this article has already got your temperature higher than a pharmaceutically enhanced stockbroker, you're probably not going to like this idea, so you better stop reading now.

So why did he f@#k you and leave!

ANSWER - He needed a quick, unrestricted, no strings attached, 'dirty' release! Maybe its slutty, risqué, taboo, sleazy, dangerous! Call it what you will. However, whatever your view, according to Buss and Schmitt, it links back to the different short and long-term mating strategies employed by men during our evolutionary past.

In the long-term, men assess you for all the right reasons; respecting your physical and psychological well-being. They desire a mate who possesses good parenting traits, home-building qualities, physical fitness, (a sign of fertility) and commitment (as men were never sure of paternity, sexual fidelity was a must!) However, when he employs short-term strategies, sexually fidelity for men is not even a consideration.

He couldn't care less who else you're sleeping with or emotionally connected to.

All that's necessary was the fertility of the female and 'willingness' to engage in sexual activity quickly - and usually without commitment.

And here's the important part that women will hate.

Buss and Schmitt suggest, when employing short-term strategies, males lower their mating standards, which increases the pool of available females to mate with and the chance to pass on his genes. Then, after copulation, he shows a clear decrease in attraction(Hasleton and Buss). So if she's just a short-term option, he'll escape quicker than air out of a deflated balloon, thus increasing his chances of accessing another female. Most men won't admit this in public, but sit nodding silently in agreement.

However, in 2014 this behaviour lacks the same evolutionary benefits, yet it still persists. He's no longer trying to impregnate you - that's the worst outcome possible - hence the contraceptives or panic stations when there's been a lack thereof. Men with 12 kids by 11 females are not normally viewed as a 'catch' by modern women. However, the evolutionary advantage has now been psychologically modified; some men just want to de-stress and the moment prior to 'release' does just the trick.

There's a range of disguises for this behaviour.

- He may be young/immature, lacking the empathetic or social skills to express what he's actually feeling so he runs.....fast!

- It may be an ego boost for him. Still feeling desirable to the opposite sex or having power over them adds another layer of gloss to his self-perception of confidence and charisma.

- He might be playing out his imagination, an escape from his mundane life with his current partner where he cannot indulge it.

- He may be employing this short term strategy in conjunction with his long term search for a partner, just as Buss and Schmitt suggested.

Cutting it short, if this happens to you, you're unlikely to be his lady. There's a reason why you're the mistress / side-chick / second woman he loves / Ms 2 in the morning - otherwise, you'd be number one already (think long term strategies).

The men who engage in this practice, know it's selfish. It's now more about soothing his stressed out, underdeveloped or fragile psychological well-being (take your pick ladies!) It brings a mental release which resets his psychological equilibrium long enough for him to deal with and survive his current living circumstances - for how long depends on the individual.

And as the behaviour is no longer driven by parentage, the recipient of the 'dirty nut' no longer requires physical attractiveness as a pre-requisite; explaining another often pondered female concern 'She's not even pretty'.

I'm not saying any of this is right or defending it - but we all know it happens and it still, (rightly so), pisses women off.

So there you have it, raw and uncut. Don't shoot the messenger!

However, beware men; this modern interpretation has started to produce unforeseen effects such as you catching feelings for the 'side-chick' and some females replicating your behaviour....as you know two can play that game! Are you REALLY ready for these new turn of events?