There is a lot I have discovered since you took your own life. Firstly, while there is no hierarchy of death where one is better than the other, it's safe to say that living a long life is at the top while a short one is at the bottom. I don't know where suicide sits, but it's safe to say, it makes other people REALLY uncomfortable. I was advised against telling people how you died. And in the initial bizarreness of picking your burial plot and coffin (and being asked whether Robert was an eco-friendly man), I erred on the side of caution. But by this 30th day, I have realised when the worst, most devastating thing possible happens, you lose the energy to maintain any artifice.
The agoraphobic could be the girl who's sitting in the car, not getting out for five minutes, ten minutes, or not at all. It could be the girl who looks so perfectly happy and contented at home on the sofa that you wouldn't have any idea how fast that can change if you ask her to go into a situation that distresses her.
I have enormous respect for anyone that goes to therapy and extending that, anyone who walks into my office. To walk into a therapist's office (or in my case, a coach's office) admitting you need help and wanting to change is, in my eyes, admirable. In addition to that, to keep going to therapy is hard.
Many of us with eating disorders, like to personify the illness as a separate person or voice. 'Ana' for Anorexia and 'Mia' for Bulimia. Don't get me wrong; Ana is definitely not a 'friend' even though the internal voice I hear says otherwise. Personifying my eating disorder is definitely something that I found rather useful in my road to recovery.
I know that you are only a human being just like I am and I hope that my words might reach you and make a difference. A huge part of your focus is on money and the economy and I understand how important this is, the recession was devastating. However, there is something much more important than money and that is human suffering...
Unless you've suffered, mental illness can be very difficult to explain to outsiders, even your family and friends. My blogs aim to try and express those feelings as best as I can in hope that they will break down stigma, open conversation and allow more people to understand. This blog is about the very common, but debilitating condition of anxiety.