They give you medication to stop depression and suicidal thoughts, but the medication itself induces suicidal thoughts for the first couple of weeks. For that reason, I'm glad I slept for so much of the time. When I was awake, I'd just be thinking about how sharp the knife was that my boyfriend was eating with.
Two years ago yesterday (August 11th), Robin Williams committed suicide. Before his shock death, he had suffered from severe depression. A lot of people would not expect someone so adored and so successful to suffer like that and end his own life. However, that is not the case. Anyone can suffer from depression, no matter how great your life has been.
I am proud that I can talk about my depression because it gives me the accomplishment of completely removing the burden that has been plaguing me for months. I feel I can breathe again. I'm not saying that it's easy to talk to people about your depression, particularly if you, like myself, have kept it hidden for so long.
A warning isn't synonymous with creating 'Generation Snowflake', it's giving autonomy. An alcoholic can choose not to walk into a pub as they're signposted, a soldier with PTSD can choose to avoid a fireworks display if the explosions traumatise them with memories of war, someone influenced by online content deserves to choose what they see before clicking.
What I am saying is try your best to talk to someone, but also don't not talk to anyone. Otherwise, you'll end up feeling worse. I want to say that I wish I had talked about my personal problems earlier in order to get rid of this burden before it got worse - but how can I regret something that is immensely difficult to do?
I am glad that I have now come to terms with grieving for what my birth could have been, with the healthy baby I could have had. The fact of the matter is I didn't have those things. I still gave birth, my child did come home, I am still a mother but to a heart warrior who I wouldn't change for the world.
A lot of people tell me that I am "brave" for being so open about my mental health problems. But one of the reasons why I am open is because I don't want "brave" to be a connotation for opening up mental illness anymore. I want people to talk about their issues without being scared of people's reaction.
During my father's sectioning, my uncle, brother and I went into his employers and managed to get him retired - a decision that was very difficult for us. This was made even more challenging when our motives were questioned and we ended up being made to feel as if we were trying to squeeze money out of his employers.
Some may argue this acronym is a little OTD; the rest, however, are too busy tweeting about how their friend is "a little OCD. Lol." I can empathise. I'm a little OCD, a tad anxious and a bit anorexic; I starved myself for two hours, before eating symmetrical carrot sticks. Oh, I'm also a little bit diabetic. I give an insulin shot now and then, but nothing serious.