It dwells on me as I stare at the Internet version of myself, I don't want to delete my past entirely... People change. People can be more than one thing. We all deserve 'the right to be forgotten' not to censor our mistakes, so our Google personas don't solely dictate who we are. I guess writing about reinvention is the easy part; it's fighting for it in reality that's the challenge.
But it's the one or two that do take advantage of the wannabees that ruin the reputation of the industry for the rest of us. It doesn't take much for the media to make the modelling industry public enemy number one and sadly the negative stories will always get more exposure than the many honest people working in the industry that are helping to secure their models a good working wage.
When I was 15 I was scouted by Storm model agency. I didn't quit understand. I was trying to force my friend into a 'shout' magazine modelling competition, a random guy with a belly and a clip board told me to enter. I couldn't even smile then as my mouth wasn't wide enough to embrace my braces, you could say; I would have difficulty however. I was absolutely terrified.
This month, adidas Originals announced the return of the Stan Smith shoe. A trainer created in the Seventies and made infamous by the legendary player and its namesake. After vanishing from production lines two years ago the tennis shoe is back and this time it's got Kate Moss' face on the tongue. *Shakes with excitement*. *Passes out*.
On Friday, backers of the Lose The Lads' Mags campaign - coordinated by UK Feminista and Object - will target the Tesco AGM, calling on the UK's biggest retailer to stop selling lads' magazines. Arguments from these feminists centre around the objectification of women and claim the trademark tits-and-arse images in lads' mags are "deeply harmful".
We walk two hours through the rainforest to reach the rubber tapper's house, exploring a day in his life. It's beautiful though exhausting. Jaguars hidden, the magic is in the detail. A tree lined by mushrooms. Butterfly shaped leaves. A tree wrapped around another, a lover's embrace. Patterns of holes in leaves like a design studio stencil. With the kindest face and a rifle on his back, the rubber tapper leads me into the forest to show me how he extracts rubber from Seringueira trees.