3. Sometimes, for a treat, you sit on the same sofa... When you first start dating, not only do you insist on always sitting on the same chair, you will sit as much of yourself on top of the other person as you can. But then time starts to pass and with that comes the realisation that, actually, the most comfortable way to sit is alone
Our contemporary times has made fantasy the biggest of all industries in the world. Fantasy as distraction; as movie, as game, as Internet distraction; the fantasy of perennial fulfilment through white wires running into your ears; and continuous communication through cell phone fantasy. The fantasy that you can only be whole and human by digital connection. Fantasy is our way of coping, of making a dry cake cream laden in our imaginations. It is going to bed with one person but having sex with a dozen others. This is how we get to fuck the stars, the celebs; by fantasy. Fantasy keeps the world ticking over. Take fantasy out of Capital and you have nothing left.
If you know your values you can set your intuition to find a mate who also has the same values. Values give off a strong vibe, it is an integral part of a person's soul and often they hardly change through out a lifetime. This makes it easy to intuitively sense that about a person.
Ten years later, what are my reflections on my experience as a carer? First, I never saw myself as a carer. The word 'carer' implies forced responsibilities. I was simply and overwhelmingly John's girlfriend who only wanted the best for him. We had wonderful times together - cancer isn't all bad - and his illness only made us appreciate each other even more.
The interviewer started off with a statement that she really didn't like my beard. I let it hang in the air. Now this is one way to deal with an unwanted opinion. Let it hang there and do not engage in it. If there is no engagement there is nothing the words can bounce off.
How conditioned are we to automatically say 'yes' when something is asked of us? We may want to be of service, be seen to do the right thing, not disappoint or cause offence and yet saying 'yes' when every part of us doesn't want to is a recipe for hurt and resentmen
It was hard, very hard, but it's true that time heals. When we go through something like that, we think it's the end of the world. As time goes by and we reflect on our experience, we start to put things into perspective and realize important things, the things that truly matter. It was the same for me.
Every day, six young people aged 16-24 receive the shocking news that they have cancer. Treatment usually starts immediately, can last for up to three years, and disrupts every area of their lives. Of course, this can include relationships and sex. And yet at such a formative time the issues that arise are not often openly discussed. Until now.
Over the years I have spoken with many people, both men and women, who really (really really) wanted to be in a relationship. They had been looking for years, doing all the things they could think of to find someone but to no avail.
Is a vegetarian being in a relationship with a meat-eater like a non-smoker being in a relation with a smoker; or an atheist being in relation with a theist; or a woman being in a relationship with a sexist?
As I navigate the straights and narrows of intimate connections, I am struck by the difference between being righteous and defensive and my willingness to look at my behavior from the reactions I get from others.
It's important not to "stuff down" negative emotions and to face then head on. The more we face our fears the faster they will dissipate and the quicker we can be free from them. It's not always easy to do but there is a lot of help available these days to help us through these times.
Why, then, is it so impossible for an ugly female protagonist to exist in our culture? Why must 14-year-old Hermione Granger have a Cinderella moment at the Yule Ball, when she has so many other qualities to recommend her?
One of my clients had a kind, loving, sexy boyfriend, yet she couldn't work out if they should be together. She expected a Disney moment - they would look at each other, the sun would set at that moment and then she would just know that he was 'the one'.
Holidays can put any flaws or short-comings in our relationship under the spotlight as we book time away, expectantly hoping to have fun together and rekindle some of the old spark and intimacy during our trip.
When the chips are down or things are not going exactly according to plan that's when you know you are truly living life, for I believe it is life's challenges and obstacles that make us see where we are and where and how we need to move forward.