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Twenty Twitter Etiquette Rules

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Many believe that Twitter is like party-planning, there's no right or wrong way to go about it. This is a lie, and a ploy, made up by people like Stephen Fry and Alexa Chung who are highly followed personalities, and desperately want to keep it that way. Actually they'll stop at nothing to convince others to tweet "whatever comes to mind" and "anything interesting." The truth is Twitter is a vicious tyrannical tool for hacks, cynics and goons, a network that is a members' club, where one can privately Direct Message someone who follows him, without that person allowed to DM back.

Here are some guidelines -

01) Never follow a person with less followers than you.

02) Never mention a person with less followers than you.

03) When unfollowing someone make it public.

04) Stop tweeting if you want to stop losing followers.

06) Unretweet everything after five minutes.

07) Unfavorite random people's tweets.

08) Unfollow stalkers whilst DMing them.

09) Block no one.

10) Mention Lena Dunham and Tavi Gevinson a lot.

11) Tweet about edits you make to Wikipedia.

12) Get your company's Twitter password and retweet yourself.

13) Don't tweet instagram links.

14) Namedrop everyone you imagine hangin' with.

15) Never tweet links.

16) Never tweet hashtags. Write the word 'hashtag' instead of the # sign.

17) Never follow more than 123 folks.

18) Unfollow ten folks every Friday.

19) Live tweet your wedding gift-unboxing. Who brought what + prices.

20) Every morning read all tweets you missed last night.

Example: