"My 4yo is a pretty picky eater for somebody who is currently dipping apple slices into ketchup."
"A teardrop tattoo for every homemade dinner kids refuse to eat."
Banned from Twitter and Facebook, former US president gets back to basics.
These tweets sum up the highs and lows of being in your 30s.
If you've embarked on the journey of plant ownership, these tweets will resonate.
The waterfowl made a splash on Twitter after someone made a false claim about him. But the tweets will still quack you up.
The actor and comedian squawked down memory lane to troll the Academy Awards.
When I tweeted about leaving a hair in the back of every taxi I take, women responded positively. Then the men in my replies showed how far we are from equality.
"Well, so much for going into the ocean now that my kid realised fish pee in it."