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"New Year, New Me"

06/01/2017 12:49

It's the 6th of January, so by now people are six days in to not following through with their New Year's resolutions.

That time between Christmas and New Year is a dangerous time. You don't know where you are, you don't know what day it is, you're 60 stone heavier and you start making the most absurd goals for the new year.

I'm not sure I could name one person that's stuck to a resolution. Apologies if you are one of the very, very few people who do actually stick to them. Do you have wings and sparkle dust wherever you go?

Apparently only 8% of people stick to their resolutions and 75% only maintain it throughout the first week in January.

Below are some of the most popular resolutions people make and, well, break:

Gym membership - By peoples third trip to the gym they've already exhausted all possible photo ops so really what's the point of going any more. It's not worth it, because we all know a workout doesn't really count unless you post an accompanying selfie.

'New Year, New me' - This resolution is unrealistic as people are literally on about morphing into a brand new person at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. Like the Fairy Godmother said to Cinderella "Oh, now, just a minute. You must understand, my dear: On the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before" and she wasn't lying!

Dry January - The Christmas period is such a traumatising time that you need to carry on drinking throughout January just to get over it. Bars are crafty, they know this, and us Brits are powerless to resist a good two for one offer on a tequila sunrise.

Eat healthier - We live in the age of Cronuts, double fried chips and Deliveroo. This one is impossible.

Spend less time on technology - But how else are you going to order your Cronuts and double fried chips off Deliveroo? And how are you going to post a photo of it on Instagram when it shows up?

Spend More Time with Family - With things like Netflix, Amazon Prime and iPlayer why would you?!

Spend less, save more - Refer back to all of the above.

As you can see resolutions are completely unrealistic in the world we now live in.

Broken resolutions and broken dreams all round.

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