THE BLOG

What Kind of Week Has It Been? 17 January 2014

16/01/2014 12:36 GMT | Updated 17/03/2014 09:59 GMT

The garish red suit of news

As the old saying goes, "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice whatever the hell they do in France"

The whole French stereotype of a fluid attitude to fidelity is great for a television ad now and then, but it's all fun and games til a French President loses his agenda to relentless sexy tittle tattle, and more importantly his wife recoups in hospital with a case of what is being understatedly referred to in France as "Les Blues". Privacy is being appealed for, but with an announcement in the few weeks expected to be made about Valerie Trierweiler's "status as First Lady", that's unlikely to happen.

Ariel Sharon is one international statesman who doesn't have to worry about such woes, but on the negative side, he is also dead. All the big guns of world diplomacy (as well as the big guns of the IDF) were there assembled, with Joe Biden simulataneously eulogizing Sharon and love letter to AIPAC. Hey, the Presidential race is only two years away after all. Tony Blair said something too, but it's hard to hear him what with the haunted voices that follow him around everywhere. Sharon was later buried in his own sycamore ranch, three miles from Gaza, which I'm sure will cause no problems at all. In fairness, when Netanyahu dies he'll probably be buried in a coffin that acts as the sole train in a circuit the whole way round the Settlements.

Thousands of miles away from the fractious middle east, back in Britain this long period of election lag is obviously getting to some senior politicians as two of them nearly came to blows. In the red corner was Douglas "Not Danny" Alexander, in the redder corner Ed "Ed Balls" Balls. Nick Clegg rowed in after he reckoned he could beat Ed Balls in a fight, which would be true if he had a bazooka. None of this idle fighting would be happening if Cameron never brought in fixed term parliaments and kept everyone on their toes.

Cameron has had a bit of a row himself this week, as environmentalists focus their ire on his full-throated support for fracking. One man who has pledged not to do any fracking is Lord Bath, though by the looks of him he could always summon precious natural resources from the ground with a magic wand. Less likely to get to Cameron's desk though is Peter Bone's Margaret Thatcher Day proposal which is soon to get a second reading. It's no been a terribly popular idea.

The notion a legislator is using his position to try and take a universally loved thing like the August Bank Holiday and name it after someone reviled by at least half the country rather undermines what otherwise would have been the maddest suggestion of the week, Blur's Alex James proposing a drink called, wait for it, Britpop. In fairness, Oasis is already taken.

Speaking of being stuck in twenty years ago, Donegal finally passed their budget after coming close to a fiery administrative apocalypse last week. As is so often the case, a last minute agreement involving a changed vote, a chairman's casting decision and someone not showing up pulled everything back from the brink. Expect a lot of eyes to be still focused on the Council in March, when St Patrick's Day functions in the US start getting doled out.

Donegal Councillors may be experiencing mass derision, but Steven Moffatt is basking in the sunshine of a unanimously considered job well done, as the inernet collectively went "Holy Shit, Sherlock!" on Sunday night. The Mail of course had to get a note in about how a character who was a media magnate obviously indicating left wing bias, but you know when there's a Buzzfeed compilation in your honour that things are going very well. And, as seen by the pic of the week, Benedict Cumberbatch's good vibes extended to The Golden Globes After Party.

Meanwhile at the not-so-hot-right-now end of Hollywood Shia LeBoeuf, the anti-Jennifer Lawrence and possessor of the world's most stupid face, has retired from public life because he plagiarised something, and then plagiarised his apology. He couldn't even be insincere properly.