I've taken two core questions from my book '10 Questions to ask for success' to show you how to get the best out of life.
They are the most powerful questions in the world:
Q2 "What do I want?"
Q3 "How am I going to get it?"
I will explain why these two questions might be your shortcut to success and happiness.
You might be thinking: "Questions? Surely I want answers not questions?" Whilst this is a reasonable request, it might surprise you to discover that the most important thing that I've learnt from over two decades of working in this field is that providing solutions, advice, suggestions or answers doesn't really help much. And even more unhelpful in particular is unrequested advice, which, as I am often quoted as saying, is like pouring milk into someone's orange juice.
Why does giving out an answer doesn't help much?
Firstly, the answers I provide to your problems will be my solutions to them and not yours, which although may work well for me, may not be great for you. For instance:
Q: Should I marry that girl?
Advice: No, I don't find her attractive
How useful is my advice here?
Secondly, if I simply supply you with answers then you won't go through the process of finding a solution for yourself. This 'finding a solution process' is essential in helping you to create solutions for other problems you might come across in the future.
If you don't go through this 'finding a solution process' here then when you get stuck in the future you're likely to either apply exactly the same solutions as I suggested before, which may be inappropriate for that scenario, or ask someone else for help. Asking someone else for help is a reasonable strategy, but what if there is no one around to ask or if the only source of advice is not very helpful or just plain wrong.
So now you know questions, not other people's answers, are what you need, read on...
When the sun's shining and the birds are singing it can be quite easy to feel good, but when you've planned a picnic and you find all the shops are closed and the weather's just started like it's time for Noah to build another ark, you might not feel so light hearted. This is one of those golden opportunities to give in and give up, with the predictable, unhappy consequences that it will have on your life.
The ability to use these questions either before these situations occur or in the moment that everything begins to deviate from your plan is essential for being able to dance with life.
Life doesn't seem to have your picnic pencilled in its diary, it hasn't arranged the weather to fit your picnicking needs, and in fact it doesn't really care either way. Life will sometimes appear to support your endeavours and other times seem out to crush them; but it's not actually bothered either way.
Life doesn't have an interest, it just does what it does and if you want your life to be better than a random series of ups and downs then you need Q2 and 3. If the picnic is ruined by the weather, it's time to use Q2 and Q3, "What do I want and how am I going to get it?"
It sounds simple and it is, but it's amazing how easy it can be to forget this when the things we've planned go up in smoke in front of our eyes. Surf over the dips in life's ups and downs with this key question and make plans to dance with life.
I've just been re-reading this book and this little section and I'm amazed at how important these few lines are; I'd say that taking on this perspective is probably one of the most important things you can ever do in life.
In my interesting life so far, part of my research has been to have had the privilege to talk in depth with people about what makes them happy, successful, inspiring or not. Every person who I've ever spoken with who's successful, fulfilled and happy, etc. has this perspective on life. So, if you want what some of them have got, maybe you should join those who dance with what life brings!
Exercise: Dancing with life
Take some time to imagine what it would be like to take on this habit of finding a way to dance with everything life throws at you. Who do you know or who have you read about, who already does this?
Phil Parker's book 'The Ten Questions' is available at amazon, Kindle and from store.philparker.org.
Read more from Phil Parker on Body in Balance TV.