I wrote a blog titled "Bipolar I can't 'Keep Calm and Carry On'" now that may seem contradictory to what I am going to say in the rest of this blog but only I think that I understand what I am actually trying to say. However one may relate so I am hoping so.
You know how it is. You get angry. I get angry. We all get angry at some point and it's the same for being upset. If we didn't at some point feel this way then we wouldn't be human. I may get more chewed up than most sometimes as I am a bit highly strung and I may at times have less patience than your average person walking this planet earth that is presented with this fabulous thing called 'life', but there comes a time when you are past caring. Not past caring in the sense you no longer care about your friends, family and acquaintances as people, but past caring about all the arguments, bickering and drama that is caused by stress, via social media, texts which are not fully understood let alone sent or received properly, news and all things going wrong in general everyday life. I'm sure that there's plenty of all of this in life where it came from.
You're now at the point of no return. You feel comfortably numb and all of a sudden you may have forgotten what caused the stress in the first place. You've had enough, more worry you can cope with. All you know is that in reality you are actually stressed out in your head but right at this moment in time you feel like you no longer give two hoots because you are numb. I know what I mean but I am not sure if I am fully making any sense. You may roll your eyes; shrug your shoulders and sigh, or even all three. You may even be doing it now as you read this article. Whether it was trivial or not, whatever it is that something once got to you. I said once. Not now. Like it really got to you but you're past that at present and you are feeling nothing.
Right now you have blocked out all the things that made you feel that way. It's easier to feel nothing, like you are a blank canvas soon ready to be painted on. You have got a barrier up, a brick wall so high that nobody can break it down. Do you ever think "Why do I bother and exactly what is the point because nobody listens nor understands me anyway"; well this is the way I think at times.
At some point I may have said "Whatever, "And what?", "So!"and "Ok". Right, now tell me something I don't already know. I am just staring into space right past and through anything and everyone. There is no emotion for me to show. You may want to focus but you can't. It's like staring out of a window. You may be taking nothing in. Nothing. Not anger, sadness, pain nor hurt because that is too much and you won't take any more and this is how your body is reacting by blocking everything out.
All of your emotions will flow like a river but it is just a case of when. Everything has occurred at once or it seemed that way and BOOM it hit you like a ton of bricks and drained every bit out of you physically, emotionally and mentally when it happened.
I hope things get better for you when everything will at some point be reversed. Those unresolved issues will be rectified before you know it and you'll wonder what all the drama was initially about. Just trust me, not everything is out of control and remember you are not weak. Question yourself will those things that initially mattered, will they matter in a week, a month or even a year? Probably not so don't let it bother you in the present let alone in the future.
I realise this is all easier said than done but bear with me. I am thinking of you.
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