THE BLOG

Undateable Me

10/02/2014 15:11 GMT | Updated 11/04/2014 10:59 BST

This has nothing to do with Channel 4's current tv series called, The Undateables. However, the idea of getting on the show is becoming more appealing as time wears on. Still, I doubt they can really help me. I am simply undateable.

Just how undateable am I? Allow me to count the ways.

ONE: I am an Asian single mother residing in Malaysia

Here, single mothers are beyond undateable. They are the "Untouchables". The men see us, but they won't go near us. In fact, they usually run the other direction. Not much different from seeing a ghost, actually. WHY? Because no sane man would ever consider taking care of another man's child just so he could date the child's mother. As it is, there are plenty of single women out in the "ocean" without the complexity of "extra baggages". So, why would a guy want to get himself hooked up with a single mother? At best, single mothers would only be considered "suitable" candidates for casual flings, FWB (Friends with Benefits), or mistresses. Nothing long term, or legally binding.

TWO: I am independent, strong and have an opinion

Apparently, all the above qualities are only recognised in men, but frowned upon in women. In Asia, women are expected to be demure, soft and gentle - almost like tofu. Unfortunately for me, I had to learn to be independent and strong after my divorce. There was no one else around to help or support me but myself. It's not like I had a choice. As for my opinions, they are the by-products of surviving the divorce, and every painful lesson that came with it. Hence, they've moulded me into who I am today.

THREE: I am looking for a big fat fish to fry

In other words, it is assumed that single mothers are looking for a "financial banker" type spouse or partner to set their hooks in. While I can't speak for other single mothers, I can say this for myself. The last thing I want is to be "enslaved" by a man's wealth. The idea that I have to be trapped in some form of servitude because of some monetary gratuity is not my idea of fun or love. It would be like a contract that covers all manners of resentment than an actual relationship between a man and a woman. Hence, why would any sane woman bind herself to such an ordeal?

Did I also mention that I speak with an accent? I had studied abroad all my life. Namely, in England and USA. However, my accent is not quite British or American. I call it my "Trans-Atlantic" accent. Sadly, the men here don't find my accent remotely adorable. Some are even intimidated by it.

Last but not least, I am forty-four. They tell me I am no "spring chicken" and that my "use by date" has long expired. While it remains acceptable and even fashionable for older men to sport a much younger lady in his arms, the same does not apply to Asian women. Unless, she is Demi Moore. Hang on, Demi is not Asian. So, she doesn't count. You see what I mean here?

Honestly, after all that I have experienced, I seek something much more fulfilling than casual flings, trivial dates and meaningless sex. Because I know exactly how I would feel after I've opened up myself to someone, and given myself to him, but he turns out to be a total jerk. I know I'll be the one crying in the shower, scrubbing myself raw to cleanse myself from every stain of him, and bearing the guilt of ever introducing him to my child in the first place. This is what we women do, because we would feel so utterly violated by our own stupid mistakes that we won't be able to forgive ourselves so easily. Naturally, I do wish to find someone who would value my independence and strength, as much as he would cherish my vulnerability. It'd be a bonus if he actually appreciates my opinions too. However, the reality is that I am not soft like Asian tofu. And I'll never be. I am more like titanium-plated tofu. This is why I remain, the undateable me.