THE BLOG

Communication: Are You Getting What You Want?

09/06/2014 14:55 BST | Updated 08/08/2014 10:59 BST

I couldn't help but have a little chuckle reading the CIA's first tweet.

'we can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet'

The communication skills of their media and advertising team hit the nail right on the head. Yes, their presence attracted the trolls within the first 2 hours, but their first tweet also attracted over 250 thousand retweets and they have amassed over 500 thousand followers already.

The right communication can drive the world to talk, but the wrong interactions can severely challenge a person's world. With social media and modern technology driving opinions, we often forget to work on person to person interaction which is the foundation of communication. It is great to be heard on such a global scale but for most of us daily connections can prove a mine field.

As a London life coach, communication is a field I often chat about with my clients. Whether it be between husband and wife, friends, siblings, work colleagues etc... the right communication is key to moving forward through any obstacle. We often identify our sense of self in the way we appear in the listening of others yet we do not communicate our needs, wants, wishes and ideas in a manner that the person we are talking to can understand.

Communication is one of the first things we learn in life. As a child we do not have language to communicate with and so rely on non-verbal communication which reduces the adults around us to interesting verbal constructs of 'goos' and'gas' and other made up words. The irony is that once we have the power of speech it becomes harder to know what to say and even harder to ask for what we really need.

In a work environment communicating with colleagues often not only feels like talking a different language but feels like talking to a different species. Similarly with relationships, the often coined phrase and popular book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' seems to still be on the tip of the tongue of clients in couples therapy.

The solution is understanding how different people approach the same situation with the benefit of their experiences and perceived knowledge and allowing yourself to become the conduit to bridge the gap. It can be very frustrating when you know you have a good concept on how to approach a project and your colleagues just don't get it. It can be even more frustrating when you ask your other half to do a simple task but they forget because they have not attached the same importance to it and so have not put it in the urgent and imperative category that you would have done.

It may appear obvious to you what you wanted from a situation and it is easy to blame the other person but the harsh truth is, if you are continually not getting what you want from other people then the common factor is you; more accurately the common factor is your communication style. If it is not working for you then you need to change it and adapt fast. If you communicate the way you have always communicated, then you will get the results that you have always got. You need to educate yourself as to the language that works on your 'targets' and lock down use of the methods that feel authentic to you.

Change starts with you. What action can you take in the next 5 minutes that will improve your communication skills with others? Will you ask yourself the right questions? Will you buy a book or google articles that help improve communication? Will you book a session with a life coach? Will you have an upfront but non-confrontational conversation with someone today? Will you leave a comment for further advice? Will you find someone who already communicates effectively and model them?

Whatever you do, do something. Take action and make a change.

If you'd like to connect with Sloan directly you can do so via her website or via email at huffpost@sloansw.com.