Ok, I'm sorry but even as you go through your divorce, as bitter and acrimonious as it is or can be at the time, there are some things that may happen, which you might indeed surprise you, hurt you or just plain "make you have kittens" as my friend June would say. I promise you though, that at some point you will sit down and "LOL" over some of them!
In the meantime however try very, very hard not to take the following personally, not easy it's true but definitely not impossible:
1. Fleeing Friends: this will, most likely than not, happen and it will hurt but I promise you, you will not only get over it at some point in time but they will be the ones to come seek you out. They did me and I said no thanks. I was a friend in need which was obviously too much for them and that's ok.
2. Nameunation (Name + Ammunition): I am not one to swear verbally let alone write it out but I think you can guess some of the names that couples call each other when the divorce war is in full swing! If these words are thrown at you during the divorce process just keep in mind that this is war and that's what happens. I always remember the first time one of my exes called me a pretty insulting word, my first thought was, "Huh? " I was literally shocked speechless! And all I could give back was, "Wait. What?" To which he quickly replied, "I'm hanging up now." Sounds so civilised now - I promise you it wasn't then. It's a war. It's a fight and he/she is reacting to a given situation and it just so happens to be you on the receiving end.
3. Threatorics (Threats + Rhetoric): Ridiculous threats that are so obviously pulled straight from the movies. "I'm gonna get you!" "I'm warning you!" "Be very careful, very, very careful." I remember screaming over the phone to one of my exes, "I'll see you in court!" I hang up and promptly burst into laughter and saying out loud to myself, "Seriously?"
4. Dwindling Invites: This is the weirdest thing and I'm not really sure why it happens. Either you get fewer invites out or the ones you get are only there because it's a blooming children's party. Dinner parties? Well, remember the Fleeing Friends, they continue having get togethers but somehow the email didn't get to you, neither did the text, whatsapp, facebook message etc. Again, once you pick yourself up again, the invites will begin to come again, then it will be up to you to say oui or non merci.
5. Ignore anything else that has no bearing in the direction of your life today except to make you feel even more awful about where you are. This includes stuff that people will say about you, things that you will read about being a single mum or dad or anything that is not at all conducive to your well being. Leave it. Don't analyse, don't internalise it, just let it come and go like a cloud in the sky does.
6. Breakupinions - other people's opinions about you and the place you now find yourself. Like it's often said, "what other people think of you is none of your business." You cannot change it and really is it that important?
Look if all else fails, make sure you have a fabulous support group of people or a person who knows how to keep you in mind and support you.
Go read some of my blogs they are there to help (www.soila.co.uk)
I'll leave you with this quote by a lady known as Helen Rowland:
"When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Follow Soila Sindiyo on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thedivorcemag