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How Whitney Houston Taught Me To Forgive

02/02/2017 16:53
Leon Bennett via Getty Images

In 2012 I had an awkward run-in with the voice and diva Whitney Houston. As most of the world already knows! Now what the world was not aware of at the time was the fact that I had been singing all my life and Whitney was my idol. I have talked about this situation in the media. And on television. And I have been attacked for addressing it. I have been accused of using this awful situation to get attention. But lets talk straight here. Who wants this kind of attention?! I mean seriously. Who wants to be known for having a fight with an idol? And who in the world wants to be trending on twitter about it? Not me!

I am not writing this piece to talk about details of that night. Too many times it has been spoken about and it has been misunderstood. And there are many lies that have been told about it. People starve for drama. They starve of the sensationalism that the media can happily sell them. I grew up listening to Whitney and I loved her. This is not exciting. It is not exciting to report that my life meant something. Instead it was reported by her sister-in-law that I was stalking her in the club. She told Oprah. I mean this couldn't have gone more awry! I love Oprah! I watched her for 25 years. I love her! What? This is what she would know me for? I was singing that night at the club. Whitney stood and talked to me for hours. Do you see where this all just goes wrong?

My life was ruined. I felt like a big piece of me had also died. No one wanted to work with me. The media made me out to be a horrible person. And my singing meant nothing. Because Whitney was dead. And the truth would never be told, until years later. I am here in London. On a huge show called Celebrity Big Brother. I enter the house and who is there? Ray J. There he is and my heart is racing. We had not seen or spoken to one another in over three years since her death.

Ray J was Whitney's boyfriend at the time of her death. He was at the club that night and when Whitney saw us talking she became enraged. She didn't understand our relationship. I had known Ray for over 20 years. And he was like family to me. He kept saying "she is family...she is family...it's ok". But Whitney wouldn't hear of it. When the media went crazy on me I was so heartbroken that Ray never spoke up for me. I just couldn't understand why he would not say something to protect me. When I saw Ray in the house. I asked him this. But I had to make a decision. Would I approach him in anger or in love? I chose love. And I have to tell you he broke my heart when he looked at me and said "No Stacy it was not your fault at all. It was my fault". This is when it hit me. For all these years I had been so selfish. I only looked at things from my viewpoint. Not the view of her family. Ray. Her fans. The world. All I could think about were my feelings. Yes the media lied. Yes I was attacked but I am still here. And it was pretty selfish of me. I mean the world had lost The VOICE! And Ray had lost someone very dear to him.

Over the years I decided to get help from my Church. I needed to see how I could have taken more responsibility. Not blame. That is different. How could I have done things differently and caused a different outcome for myself. I had to really dissect it. And stop feeling sorry for myself and my children. And much of this has to do with forgiveness. Forgiving myself. Forgiving Ray. Forgiving those who lied. And forgiving all the people who attacked me. Everyone was looking for some to blame and sadly I was the best target. Why am I writing about this? I want to take this incident to help you. Because after all at the end of the day when horrific things happen to us we must be able to see the lessons in it to help others pull through.

How does one move on after so many lies have been told about them? How does one come out of hiding after being publicly humiliated? How do you love and trust again? Well you take the punches, but you get back up again. You continue to walk in the truth of who you are. And before you know it everyone will begin to take a look and a listen to what you are saying. You have to examine yourself and think what am I doing to create this outcome? Am I being a victim? Am I being a drama king or queen? Do I seek attention for all the wrong reasons? What can I do to fill the void within myself and instead of feeling sorry for yourself change what you don't like about you. And begin to walk in that truth. And the light of truth will shine on you. And others will recognise this change. They will start to honour you. And listen to you for advice because they will see your tenacity and strength and admire it. What you see as the most horrific thing in the world can not only be a lesson for you but it can help you find your purpose and help many others get strong and lead a better life.

I didn't see the day when I would be able to sing again. Or be seen in a funny, cool way. Or write for this amazing website. But when you have integrity and you honour yourself and you forgive yourself for what you didn't know before you learned it, then miracles happen.

RIP WHITNEY HOUSTON. I will always love you. And thank you for forcing me to love, learn to forgive and be a better person. You will always hold a very special place in my heart.

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