19/05/2009 12:03 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

The Rooneys' Millionaire Baby

Here's one baby that won't be needing its £250 Child Trust Fund cheque: the Rooneys' sprog could be a millionaire by the age of three months, according to the tabloids.

Wayne and Coleen are expecting their first child in October, and by the sound of it, the baby is going to be dripping with bling from the moment it pops out.

According to the Mirror, OK magazine has offered a three-cover deal worth £700,000 for those first baby pictures.

Coleen has also been asked to make a fitness DVD worth £150,000 and offered a £130,000 contract for a baby clothing range.

And I was worried about my daughter being spoiled by her grandparents... Seriously though, what are the child's chances of growing up normal with that kind of fame and fortune?

Coleen says she fancies being a housewife but I'm betting she'll be bringing in some help if she doesn't want to end up with bags under her eyes and red-raw hands like mine.

If they've got any sense, the Rooneys will follow in the footsteps of Bill Gates and make sure their children have to earn their own money.

Even then, the outlook is not promising. The child will be famous for being famous. The pressure will be on right from the start for the little tot to dress in the coolest baby-gros and visit the hottest mums' and toddlers' clubs.

I'm sure you can get diamond-encrusted dummies – if not, maybe Baby Rooney could start a new range.

I am curious to see just what money can buy, though. If the kid's born with Wayne's ears, will they stay that way? Watch this space...