17/03/2010 07:26 GMT | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Diary Of A Five Year Old Or Itch And Scratch


I have nits!

It's brilliant.

Everybody has got them at kindergarten, even Miss. Mummy says there is no need to feel bad because they only like to live in clean hair. But I don't feel bad. I'm going to catch some and keep them. Probably two. I'd like girl nits because boys are stupid. I'll call them Itch and Scratch because that's what they make me do in my head all the time. Or maybe a girl nit and a boy nit so they can kiss and have babies. Baby nits must be really small.
I haven't asked mummy yet. I don't think she likes them. She bought some brown shampoo and a special silver comb to make them go away but I really want to keep two in a jam jar.

I won't show my cat though. She will probably eat them like she eats spiders and flies, which is a bit horrible. She had nits once too. Daddy said they were called fleas but I think they're the same thing really. Emily at kindergarten says fleas sometimes work in the circus. I've never seen fleas in a circus but I've never been to a circus so maybe that's why. Mummy says circuses are cruel so I won't let my nits work there. I wonder what the fleas do in the circus.

I think I will train my nits, like next doors' dog.

They will be my best friends.

After Emily.