16/04/2010 16:50 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

Diary Of A 5-Year-Old: Rules Rules Rules

Rules are very important. Mummy and daddy say so. We seem to have loads of rules in our house:

  • Don't try to put a lead on the cat. She doesn't really like it.
  • Try it you might like it. This always has something to to with vegetables that are green and make you want to sick them up.
  • Brush your teeth after every meal. If you don't they will fall out and then you will look like grandad.
  • Share sweets with friends even when you really really don't want to.
  • Frogs don't belong in the bath. Or the toilet. Or in bed.
  • Drums do belong in other people's houses. Trumpets too.
  • Other children have violins.
  • Don't try and suck the cats' tail up in the vacuum cleaner. She doesn't like that either.
  • Never hide Playmobil in the oven.
  • Use your manners. That means say please and thank you all the time.

Anyway, when I'm big I will have different rules:

  • Vegetables must only be eaten by people who have been really naughty or bad. Or that Steven in Mr Lister's class.
  • Everybody is allowed to eat ice cream. Except that Steven.
  • Toys can live on the bedroom floor for as long as they want to.
  • Bed time is only for when you are really really tired.
  • Bath time is only for when you are really really dirty.
  • You don't have to kiss Auntie Thingy with the hairy chin ever ever ever.
  • You can fill up the fridge just with ice cream if you want to.
  • Everybody gets a dog and a pony. And a tarantula.
  • Ketchup is allowed with every meal. Except maybe ice cream.
  • Ice cream can be eaten everyday. Chocolate too. And gummi bears.

Did I say about ice cream?